.
My PTSD Marty is a psycho, vengeful, he still feels the pain, it is alive for him.
He is irrational, at times blind with rage, or freaked out hiding in solitude.
He sees danger everywhere, knows what evil has done in the past, he is guarded, closed off, and skittish.
.
.
Prone to hiding out, isolating, avoiding, or acting out, isolation is always the final destination.
The sane me is more present, more active, more people-friendly.
He can converse and persuade at times, tell jokes and be extroverted in the right environment.
He is part of this two-headed person. Some friends have seen both these guys, sometimes on the same visit.
The PTSD Marty can appear instantly without any input from sane Marty.
It is the rollercoaster ride, the PTSD Marty leaves residue and damages the real me has to endure and try to fix.
Ptsd Marty brings pain, suffering, worry, doubt, unworthiness, and rage.
It is part of life I have had to accept or suffer more.
Know your PTSD, what you are like when he/she is activated.
Can you shorten the time PTSD occupies your mind?
At times I can shut it down, other times I get lost like everyone else.
Takes daily practice.
Our daily work will never end if we want to have peace of mind.
.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on March 17, 2022 at 10:21 pm
There are so many Parts. Often it’s crazy-making trying to reconcile these multiple felt personas into a whole human. I’ve often wondered will the “real” Rudid step forward. My coach has just begun working towards helping me remain calm, present, and curious. I’ve far more experience running from myself and numbing.
Posted by Marty on March 17, 2022 at 10:53 pm
Awareness
U know now
Posted by Marty on March 17, 2022 at 11:02 pm
Let’s email
Then maybe meditate for 15 minutes together
Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 11:55 pm
Thanks for the offer. I shared my email after an earlier invitation but never heard back. Perhaps you could post here the link to the Kundali meditation group?
Posted by Marty on March 22, 2022 at 12:05 am
Sorry Rudid96
I missed your email
I was looking for it
Sorry
Kundalini is 7:00 west coast during week
8:00 weekends
Half hour
Posted by Marty on March 22, 2022 at 1:43 am
I feel so bad Rudid96.
I looked and looked for ur email and did not see it
I missed it
I would never ignore you
I am so sorry
You have followed me for so long
Saddens me
Posted by Marty on March 22, 2022 at 2:27 am
I see my inaction of responding to your email triggered you but you still follow and trust at some level
The PTSD mind is irrational
I feel terrible
Help me
Posted by rudid96 on March 22, 2022 at 1:42 pm
Mindful Marty, thank you for the information. Initially, way back, when a response wasn’t forthcoming, you’re correct, it was triggering. However, as you’ve so often shared here, so much of life is perception. After sitting with my thought, I realized this was an opportunity to breathe into life as it unfolded. The space afforded a worthwhile pause. As you can see, I still read and participate in the blog. You do so much good. The anonymity makes it easier to be vulnerable and still maintain connections. So my friend, no worries. 🙂
Posted by Marty on March 22, 2022 at 1:56 pm
It is not easy from this side
I have experienced people following and participating for over a year, and then one day, it’s like it was all a mirage.
Hard to know what’s real from my vantage point Somedays
Posted by rudid96 on March 22, 2022 at 3:26 pm
Yes, that’s the Ying and Yang of life thru a screen. Virtual connectivity has its limitations for sure. I know it’s not easy from your side. Virtual friendships require a level of commitment and even then, there’s no assurance they won’t evaporate. I mentioned a while back that this was also my experience. It really hurt. BUT, I keep on ticking….
Posted by Marty on March 22, 2022 at 6:37 pm
I truly tried to connect with you by email