We are a square in a round world

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We are the square peg needing to fit into the round hole, we are wary of humans from an early age.

I learned to fear by 5, spotting danger soon thereafter. At 70 I have perfected avoidance.

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https://pixabay.com/images/search/square%20peg%20in%20round%20hole/

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Danger holds dominant space in my brain, always a calculation going on inside, judging if I am safe or need to act.

Mundane situations are not mundane for us, it is a PTSD thing.

A lethal threat consists of anything that triggers our fight or flight mechanism.

The beginning of school was our first glimpse at knowing something was wrong, we were different.

That feeling would be a constant companion through life, I was a loner at my core.

After betrayal, life became unsafe, people seemed more dangerous, solitude carried less risk.

Relationships we’re shallow, I had walls erected around me, a nomad, a wanderer.

Worry and doubt weighed heavy on every decision to engage people, a group or a crowd.

We search the rest of our lives in vain to fill this void.

I never expect to feel at peace in a group. So what!

Intimate Relationships are near impossible for us, we do not trust or feel safe, betrayal we fear as much as death.

Divorce is utter failure for us, betrayal slices our hearts in two.

We suffer around people, we distrust at a paranoid level.

I am on guard, on alert, in mundane situations while normal people sit calm, relaxed, and carefree.

We are different, broken in a way, brains wired differently, extremely sensitive to danger, criticism, and betrayal.

It is a dysfunctional life at best.
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