Scenarios: First, out in public, an event violently triggers your fight or flight mechanism, all hell breaks loose.
Can you sit in the middle of this event?
Can you use long slow focused breathes to dispipate the anxiety drugs, adrenaline and cortisol?
Ptsd is the scariest when triggers ignite, full arousal of our nervous system along with tunnel vision, loss of fine motor skills, Bp heartrate and respiration spike, with certain parts of the brain going offline.
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We are confused, afraid and extremely anxious!
This is the ultimate test of our physical skills.
Next, let’s look at getting caught in a trauma memory loop.
Thoughts draw us into ruminating about past trauma, PTSD revving up.
Can you focus on your breath now, slow it down, observe the thoughts as appendages, these peripheral slices of junk are of no concern or danger.
With a daily practice, scenario two will be our first success.
Dissipating a full trigger explosion is our ultimate goal.
My decade-old daily meditation practice, allows me to sit in the middle of a trigger firing calmly.
My fight or flight rarely fires violently or fully, I only get small, spikes now.
You can accomplish this with daily work and application.
This is at least halfway to complete healing if that is possible.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on March 8, 2022 at 7:07 pm
I’m angry, depressed, and at the moment, ashamed! Yesterday, unexpectedly, I was swept up in a particularly violent PTSD moment. However, it certainly did NOT feel like a moment. I got caught in the trauma. I couldn’t separate, let it pass thru. These HUGE episodes leave me depleted. It feels like the aftermath of a seizure. I thought I moved past these. I’m both terrified it’ll return again and disgusted. Undone and ashamed!
Posted by Marty on March 8, 2022 at 7:25 pm
Rudid96 thanks for sharing. Your sharing opens up dialogue for others who do not share.
ptsd wants you to feel angry, delressed, ashamed etc.
The Ego is in charge along with trauma, we relive the event over and over
the expectations of ours lead to failure
Doing your best everyday has no failure
I thought I would never be depressed or ptsd would ever rule me again
Please remember this past year for me
Ashamed, angry very depressed almost thoughts of what’s the use haunted me
Ptsd takes us back to the most vulnerable, abusive times
Instead of depleted it is exhaustion after a battle you will win
You will be back on track today or tomorrow or the next day
No failure is possible
If I lead a perfect life do I get get more days on earth
We die same day whether we suffer or let that crap go
You are a thriver, Rudid96
You been interacting with me on this blog for a few years
This is a dark spot or low point on our journey
We will appreciate our successes more because of the complexity and enormity of our PTSD
You are healing slowly building your toolbox
Never give up
Never give in
The battle our willingness to battle in the midst of our vulnerability is more than noble, a ton of worth in life and self-worth
We do our best every day, then try to leave the garbage behind.
Posted by rudid96 on March 9, 2022 at 12:07 am
Thank you for your words. I’ll try to hold onto them as the current inner battle rages. It does help to have a bit of history here in that I recall your openly shared low points. I see you not only survived but continue to find your peace. I see the ‘rise, crest, & fall’ of your struggle and take hope in your example.
For me, when these huge episodes occur, there’s an inexplicable sense of terror that fills the space of my entire day. My therapist tells me to remember I’m an adult now. Time has passed. I’m no longer a defenseless child. However, that’s not my felt experience. It’s as if the world disappears. I’m surrounded by dark emptiness. My eyes are heavy with sadness. My throat and stomach have merged into one lump. My legs want to run and are frozen in place. My body can’t read the time. My therapist doesn’t understand the physical pain that’s connected with these huge episodes. There’s shaking and continuous rolling body chills. I freeze mid-motion and can’t move. My mind becomes confused. Does one trust the body or the mind?
I hate this crap. Mindful Marty, though I agree with your statement, “never give up” when in the eye of the storm, all I can think about is self-harm. It’s exhausting. Each time I swear it must be the last. So much of my life is lived navigating around triggers that are seemingly innocuous activities for normal folk.
Posted by Marty on March 9, 2022 at 12:29 am
Oh you open yourself up, thank you
Your therapist went to school, has met and helped clients but I would think he/she was not abused in childhood or experienced severe triggers, or your nervous system upside down
We are adults now but the triggers fire now and stored trauma runs as happening right now.
What they read in books does not cover our experience
If fight flight freeze or submission
Think about two dogs facing each other one covers and pleads submission and recognition of the dominance
So we can fight PTSD but not for long.
The second or third trigger firing will have us freezing
The freeze severity is directly proportional to the amount of fear we feel.
I would tell you this will not be the last
Let’s u and me zoom and chat and meditate
I can help you handle your triggers
Mparrill@aol.com.
Posted by Marty on March 9, 2022 at 12:44 am
Most therapist know little about meditation and few meditate daily
You can dissipate adrenaline and cortisol with your focus and breath control, or breath practice
Posted by rudid96 on March 9, 2022 at 5:56 pm
Mparrill@aol.com I genuinely appreciate and thank you for the offer to chat and meditate. However, my nervous system is too activated, and presently, I cannot manage an additional spike. It feels safer to follow today’s blog posts from “The Body Keeps Score” and the described Naval Seals breathwork.