The solutions, the cracks appear one day.

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The solutions, the cracks appear one day, in a place we never could imagine.

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https://pixabay.com/users/pixundfertig-683277/

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My trauma happened many decades ago, however, an event just surfaced from its depths recently.

When PTSD explodes from the deep, there is an infatuation period, a space where trauma dominates our life.

I expected to handle any new trauma with ease after improving from my childhood abuse.

That expectation failed miserably.

I can not explain the insanity of this last year, the depression and shame felt real, alive, present.

The rest of my life was nullified, judged unimportant, canceled because of violent, shameful trauma memory, a single night out of a 70-year life.

I was wrapped up inside this mess, overwhelmed by constant thought, the narrative was narcissistic, a threat of omnipotent power.

Distorted and irrational was my mindset, it was all-consuming.

Yesterday, memory brought other facets of my life back into view. The spell of this trauma finally snapped.

Ptsd painted my life as a complete failure, a shameful existence, I believed it for a year.

Not saying the battle is over but a dragon has been wounded.

My routine happens no matter how I feel, I will meditate, hike, practice letting go, and staying present.

It is much easier to never give up when you have a plan, a routine, a habit.
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4 responses to this post.

  1. The dragon has been wounded

  2. Posted by rudid96 on March 3, 2022 at 10:54 pm

    I’m interested in the way you phrase the positive inroad you made. “The dragon has been wounded.” Your words place you as the warrior. Your words conjure the intensity of PTSD. The internal battle; swords flashing, exhaustion, and concentration of effort to vanquish the devil dragon. My words describe it differently. Perhaps it’s a gender thing or simply a difference because it’s unique to each. I don’t know. However, I’m very glad you wounded your dragon and live to tell the tale. Thinking of you.

  3. Dragon or demon

    No swords it’s a battle of surrender over and over for a year plus before things opened up

    Wounded

  4. Silent warrior

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