Childhood abuse has no time limit, no expiration date.

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PTSD, especially Childhood abuse, has no time limit, no expiration date.

Why?

Because of the special way it is stored in the brain, inside our right amygdala, and inside our body at the cellular level.

These memories were stored while my fight or flight exploded, under intense fear, sometimes life-threatening or perceived lethal threats.

These memories carry the abilities I had at age 6 or 9 or 12. When they ignite, they come alive with our 6 or 9 or 12-year-old abilities.

To a powerless child, abuse is stored before the brain has developed before some organs needed to heal are online.

This leaves a stain for life, a pattern of extreme violence that remains confusing to our adult self.

The power of childhood abuse has lasted 70 years for me.

How about you?

Certain survival behaviors manifested early for me, avoidance, isolation, mood swings, and lack of trust followed me through life.

Physical consequences started appearing in middle school, anxiety, gut pain, puking, and the realization I did not fit in with others at school.

Today at 70, trusting others has never been part of my life, I isolate away from people, it is much safer and has less drama.

This is a habit, 95% of the time I would rather be alone than with strangers or people. It has taken a lifetime of fighting PTSD to settle into this road less traveled.

Feeling at peace with myself has never happened, feeling safe is rare, that little boy was violently terrorized and emotionally abused.

When perfection is demanded from a child, that life will search every day to receive approval, that little boy can only dream of feeling worthy.

What does worthy feel like?

What does the future look like for you?
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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on March 3, 2022 at 12:12 am

    What does “worthy” look like? I imagine it freeing to be able to converse without intense shame that whatever I’ve said is stupid, a waste, and self-indulgent. Imagine feeling like my thoughts and words have a right to be heard. It must be amazing to know someone sees you without wanting to crawl away and hide.

  2. I do not worry about my words, my vulnerability hides elsewhere but as devastating

    It is our war rudid96

    I am happy to have u along

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