PTSD: Spotting Evil

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Abused kids experience evil early and often.

Childhood becomes a time of absorbing damage, fearing for our lives, instead of attachment to our caregivers followed by feeling safe, loved.

The rest of life will be tainted with evils destructive damage to the brain.

Spotting evil (danger) will be our mind’s subconscious priority for the rest of our lives, whether we are aware of our behavior or not.

Evil leaves an indelible mark, future achievements do little to lighten the burden of evil.

In due time, we learn to distrust people, isolate more, we are building our invisible prison to protect ourselves from the evil we see.

Our perception is flawed, evil in childhood brought the scourge of complex PTSD, suffering became part of daily life.

We are confused, we see others (normal people) navigating life without the daily issues we face.

Why do some traumas never heal, never integrate, never stop haunting our existence?

I have one betrayal buried for decades, which recently exploded into my consciousness during this quarantine.

I can not change how it was stored, no other trauma impacts my mind and life so severely.

My childhood trauma is almost dormant as this betrayal dominates my thoughts.

Why?

While I have integrated much of my childhood abuse, gaining relief and a chance at happiness, my 19-year-old self can not escape the constant flow of intrusive thoughts.

How can a public betrayal carry such damage, I do not understand why my mind is impacted so severely.

What is it about this event that absorbed such damage, that wants no part of being that guy?

Common sense or any cognitive approach fails quickly.

All my tools, therapies, and meditation practice only give momentary relief.

I do not understand the power of this one traumatic event.

Without my violent abusive childhood, my betrayal would not have damaged me so much.

I understand that but does not help me heal.

Is there one trauma that has more power over others in your life?
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5 responses to this post.

  1. Wow Marty. I was just heading out to clean up the yard in these unseasonable warm tempuatures in the PNW. Thank you for the opportunity to explore more deeply how the early trauma is affecting me now, today. I am in a pickle and your blog today might help figure some stuff out. Thank you.

  2. I am in Eugene

    We need to know how Ptsd works

    What helps heal it

  3. I’m on my way healing from childhood traumas. Looking back, there so many small pieces that have hjelped me heal. But the major thing is that I’ve been lucky to have great therapist who understood the importance of feeling safe. Combined with my inner drive to work hard inbeetween sessions

  4. I taped my therapy sessions, found out I missed at least a quarter of what she said.

    Your comment about doing the work in between sessions is the key.

    I read and applied then meditated on healing every day.

    I was prepared for each therapy session and worked diligently in between

    That is the key

    A therapist or pill will not heal us, that is our challenge

  5. Nice app for trauma you have made

    Those who improve work hard between therapy sessions

    If I have one therapy session a week lasting an hour that is
    4 hours a month in therapy

    720 hours we are on our own

    So let’s see 4 hours versus 720 hours

    Where do you think healing will occur

    I always improved in my own time with direction and wisdom from a therapist

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