Figuring out traumas impact

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Why is our inner critic so powerful, so loud, so abusive?

My mom got pregnant at 16 in 1950’s America, dad was resentful of the burden I brought into his life. Kids raising a kid, add in one of those 16-year-olds is a violent narcissist, a recipe for failure.

Constant criticism and violence wired my brain to spot danger above all else, any other desire or need only received intermittent attention.

Spotting danger powered my PTSD symptoms: hypervigilance, isolation, avoidance, fight or flight firing, and depression grew stronger.

Calm, confident, relaxed never happened.

It’s a vicious cycle, power the symptoms and suffering expands.

How many seriously abused kids rewire their brains enough to escape PTSD’s damage?

Very, very, very few, I believe.

Many abused girls become drug addicts and prostitutes, boys become alcoholics, drug addicts, then commit violent crimes.

Child abuse and betrayal changes lives.

Looking back, I have had things done to me that I would rather have died instead of being shamed and betrayed. The damage done made life miserable.

A normal person would commit suicide if they inherited my brain, my childhood, my betrayal.

My intrusive thoughts would fry their brains.

I wish others could experience my mind for a day.

Yeah, they would feel intense fear, heightened anxiety, and worthlessness.

People, crowds, and strangers would feel dangerous and manipulative.

You would isolate yourself just like me and avoid triggers exploding.

Spotting danger would dominate every waking minute.

How exhausting!

Calm and confident would be strangers.
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