Looking at life through PTSD colored glasses


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Seriously abused kids experience life differently, fear and abandonment dominate our thoughts. Being relaxed, at ease, mind calm and open is foreign to us.

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https://unsplash.com/@dhayaeddinebentaleb

I feel something is broken inside my head.

For me, I have never experienced feeling whole, worthy, safe, or my mind not searching for potential danger.

We do not have the core experiences that make healthy attachments.

I can not go back into my childhood and find an open heart or trust in my memory bank.

Trying to open my heart at 70 has been problematic, how do we trust enough to risk, be vulnerable.

Many habits are involuntary, happen without thought or awareness at times.

I do not know how to stop my mind from being on alert, ready to protect me from danger way before any thought crystallizes.

Even if I calm that mechanism down after spotting potential danger, it remains on alert for the next threat.

That kind of sums up life, peace of mind is shallow and brief, danger always seems to be there for us.

I never reach a safe place, successes, money, power offer a temporary refrain but my foundation is built from the quicksand of abuse.

How many seriously abused kids experience a healthy attachment to a mate, feel safe around people, develop a deep trust in others, or have normal thoughts like people who were not abused?

For those who follow this blog, true deep healing for abused kids is rare.

What is your experience?
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7 responses to this post.

  1. I’ve been actively working on this “healing” thing for 6 years now. It hasn’t exactly worked yet….

  2. Thanks for sharing

    I asked myself where would I be without all the therapy, meditating and application

    Would not be pretty

  3. Alana, you have a mate, planning onhaving another baby

    Not easy but your willingness to take the risk is powerful

  4. It’s scary…but hopefully worth it in the end.

  5. Taking risks is at a level of healing many do not reach

  6. Posted by rudid96 on February 1, 2022 at 10:18 pm

    Recently, I’ve been engaged in throwing out a lot of unused things and old papers. I came upon performance reviews from former employers. It was illuminating because it provided some perspective to my personal growth. In some areas, I’ve grown and learned about self-compassion. However, in other areas, the younger child that was neglected, used, and abused, continues to appear in my adult interactions. I’m

  7. Looking back can be difficult

    Who am I really

    At least two people inside me maybe three

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