Our behavior and habits are linked to _____?

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Answer: PTSD!!!!!!

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Our habits and traits are linked to childhood abuse.

Many people have told me I never smile.

Abused kids never smile much, we are way too serious, we need to spot and be prepared for danger.

We carry fear from an early age, vulnerable fear, we are helpless as kids.

This unsettling way of being has always been with me, hard-wired as my brain developed. I know no different, there has never been a happy go lucky me.

I am skeptical and wary of everyone, hard to get close to me.

For me, I will never be in a cult, join any organization for any reason, or follow anyone anywhere no matter how magnetic of a personality.

That’s child abuse metastasizing into adult behavior.

I know normal people think healing is reachable for the most seriously abused kids.

I would ask them to explain the number of drug addicts, prostitutes, and criminals behind bars, they are not counting.

Oh, we could add numerous mental disorders, suicides, cancer, and domestic abuse as part of the damage.

I never felt at ease, safe to let go, around people, criticism was all I received from my caregiver.

I did not know what support or nurturing was, like many kids we lived inside our heads, the only safe place.

Conditioned love is what I was exposed to, the better I played the less I got beat and criticized.

Failure was worse than death, my father beat that into me.

Bosses have said what a grinder you are.

It is about keeping extremely busy, I was running from something unknown at the time, eventually, the demon had a name, Ptsd.

I thought I was so flawed, there was a need to far outwork everyone just to be equal.

Have you not felt broken at times?

We avoid people, stay around home, if we venture out we are looking for privacy, seclusion, the last thing we engage in is a crowd.

I have little need beyond a few valued attachments.

I have almost no need in expanding my tight circle.

I can see my childhood abuse in the way I live.

How about you?

Notice any behaviors different than normal adults.

How about your thought patterns, sense of safety, and danger?
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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on January 13, 2022 at 12:20 am

    “Notice any behaviors different than normal adults?” AND are my “thought patterns, sense of safety, and danger” different? Are you kidding? Of course, they’re different. Neglect and danger were the childhood norm. I didn’t know people lived differently. Many of my childhood friends were from equally dysfunctional and/or dangerous situations. The present-day make trust an ephemeral ideal. Mindfulness, reminding myself ‘that was then, this is now,’ helps but it’s almost impossible to really sustain that long term.

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