.
Ptsd symptoms combined with depression make it hard to act like nothing is wrong.
I have mood swings, times when I stay in my room.
.
In real life, nothing significant has changed.
My insides are a mess, my anxiety and sense of trauma danger escalate.
It is hard for me to live with anyone and vice versa.
Guilt comes knocking but my shame meter makes guilt seem powerless.
Many souls have constant challenges, trauma-filled lives of pain and suffering.
We either numb ourselves, kill as much of the pain as possible in denial or fight the daily battle.
Judging our life, our battle, our effort, ends badly.
If we compare our life to a normal person, nothing good follows.
I have to accept how different, how limited my life and emotions are.
My effort has to be enough no matter how much anxiety and pain fill my day.
I have to accept being a loner, my aversion to being around people, my fear of betrayal and ridicule and accept my symptoms as part of me, my life.
That image of a happy-go-lucky man is a mirage.
For me, I have never understood how certain friends were happy-go-lucky, expecting things to turn out good.
I do not understand how people trust each other.
My brothers, 12 and 14 years younger, trust much more than me, the firstborn.
Dad changed with five kids, two jobs, and being middle-aged helped.
He was only 27 when I was 10. He resented me at 16 when my mom got pregnant.
I finally do not blame myself.
Is that healing?
.
.
PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Ellpoet on December 29, 2021 at 5:24 am
I call PTSD my inner bear, grouchy, prone to hibernation, will quite easily bite your head off if provoked, & would rather not socialise outside of my safe zone. It is not easy to learn to trust again, to allow someone the key to break you, I know. But if we can just little by little it makes it a bit easier. We know we will live with this forever, but we can improve, it sounds like you are on the improvement path, that takes inner strength & commitment. Give yourself acknowledgement that you are making steps up that mountain.
Posted by Marty on December 29, 2021 at 1:56 pm
Great share
You walk the path I do
Posted by rudid96 on January 1, 2022 at 6:47 pm
“Is that healing?” When one suffers from PTSD, yes. Some days, shear grit, and effort alone, just showing up for oneself is enough. Living for another day is supreme. Yes, effort is, and can be enough.