People diagnosed with complex Ptsd (childhood abuse) struggle on the cognitive side of our brain, the left hemisphere.
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Childhood trauma is irrational, common sense thinking leads us in circles.
The right hemisphere, our creative side, connects with our heart without thought.
The right hemisphere only knows this current moment, right now, the only place where PTSD dies as long as we immerse ourselves.
I have to leave worry alone, leave what might happen, and leave the past alone to escape PTSD.
Ptsd is not a single battle, each day brings challenges, a crisis could ignite a war.
Attitude can not depend on results.
I am a habitual man from my earlier days.
I get up, meditate, work on healing, do my chores and hike every day whether I feel great or suicidal.
We need a few things that PTSD can not stop or impact.
We need wins, actual power demonstrated through action.
This is not for the faint of heart, being a victim is easy, takes courage and strength to take daily action.
I may hide at times but I always do my routine.
I find a kind of peace with the familiarity.
My mind relaxes in the middle of focus.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on December 27, 2021 at 11:48 pm
I’ve heard that those with trauma are better with routine. Change is way too scary. That’s certainly my truth. Being a victim sucks. It stains the soul. Finding a way to live into a life is not easy. It may look like nothing is happening but using all the tools to make life more bearable is work. Planned, intentional, and developed into a learned routine. Without that, it all falls apart.
Posted by Marty on December 28, 2021 at 12:28 am
Oh. I am a grinder, I could outwork others, focus on mundane things and keep going
Posted by rudid96 on December 28, 2021 at 2:31 pm
When my tools are set aside and that gremlin whispers the promise of “cured” that’s when things get particularly wonky.
Posted by Marty on December 28, 2021 at 4:54 pm
My moods shift quickly
Hard for people around me
Posted by rudid96 on December 28, 2021 at 11:25 pm
I imagine it must be exceptionally dysregulating for people around you. Trying to figure out which version of you will be showing up at any given moment leads to lots of problems. That was partially part of my life as a child. I tend to keep everything tucked inside me. I don’t like fuss, so present appropriate for the situation. However internally, my moods vary.
Posted by Marty on December 29, 2021 at 1:11 am
I drive my daughter nuts
I have changed, unplugged more than ever
I am fine avoiding people till I die