Ptsd, our emotional pain and shame

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https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/

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I handle my chronic pain with a jocks attitude, one person out of my chronic pain group followed me and regained his life.

Childhood abuse is different, betrayal in college altered ever trusting a human again.

I should have left this planet back then, the rest of my life would be filled with suffering.

My suffering is not greater than other abused kids, I am not special.

My childhood abuse and betrayal in college devastated my spirit.

My attitude, I was scared to death, anxious and humiliated, criticism and violence would be my daily companions.

Physical pain did not dent my armor, emotional abuse rocked my very core.

It’s hard to write in words the impact violent abuse has on a child’s brain.

It’s impossible to describe in words what a caregiver’s shaming does to a kid.

I hate what some people have done to me.

I will never understand how or why I was abused so severely.

Now, my life is lived in my room, it is one of the only safe places.

Is complex PTSD isolating?

I do not know, but I have lost the desire for being around people altogether.

You will never find me in a crowd or rarely out in public.

My thoughts are the terrible invisible prison I occupy every morning.

Since college, I have tried to isolate myself as much as I could.

I do not feel safe around people, I fear betrayal.

I have found no silver lining, no gift from my childhood, nothing positive out of betrayal.

Life is more painful than it is worth.

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