Two great Pains: one physical, one emotional or mental

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Physical and emotional pain (abuse) started in early childhood, funny how both simmered for decades then exploded later in life.

Let’s deal with the physical pain in this post. Early childhood was filled with physical abuse from my father.

Sports injuries added pain until 30.

Two car wrecks finished the job, the latter a triple rollover.

After fusions and a couple of rounds of nerve killings, my peers were a chronic pain group of serious spinal injuries.

High intensity chronic pain is debilitating.

Out of 15 in that group two of us, were the only ones who could challenge their pain doing exercise.

The rest were numb, afraid, and jacked up with way too many meds. The average intake of meds was 20 to 45 pills plus a morphine pump.

Our lives rotated around our pain cycle, as they say chronic pain is not life-threatening, it is lifestyle-threatening.

Most mates left, we could not do the things we did before our injuries.

Depression visited each one of us, the loss was real and it hurt like hell.

A discussion one day about meeting a mate brought curious ideas.

For me, I did not want anyone to see how bad my daily life had become.

I was in constant pain for a couple of years, sleeping, eating, exercising took all my energy and time.

No way I wanted anyone to see how sad my life had become.

I have to understand my isolation is not only from PTSD.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on December 16, 2021 at 11:37 pm

    Hello Mindful Marty. It’s odd how our lives follow the long threads from our childhood trauma and then the shorter ones, where the life situation can turn on a dime. How awful, those accidents, and the losses you suffered. So much pain. And yet, here you are, still ‘being.’ The human spirit to survive, to want to live despite the past, and at times the present situation is stunning. As you model here, I too continue to try and find my way to a more nourishing or at least satisfying way to be. I’ve taken great care to adopt a meditation-lite practice. Breathing, tapping and working with the body in general to reconstruct a nervous system that is hypervigilant. Slowing things down when I’m in the zone offers a bit more space and kindness to all those self-defeating behaviors that’ve here-to-fore, run the show. Healing, even when it’s partial is scary. I find at times, better the devil one knows than dealing with the unknown. And yet, I push onwards. At the moment, my felt version of healing is fairly black & white – Pain vs. feeling nothing. I wonder if survivors of trauma ever get to a place to really feel life wholeheartedly without combusting. Mindful Marty, I think about you and your creation of this blog. It’s been a friend and a regular companion on my learning journey. Whatever your timeline, I wish you moments of untethered joy, peace, and freedom from pain.

  2. Where you been?

    Good that you keep moving forward.

    I wonder if survivors of trauma ever get to a place to really feel life wholeheartedly without combusting

    For me at 70 life has become to painful and all the suffering seems to have accumulated

    I am in a bad place

    I tried to help someone on here and then they told me I did not want to heal and I should write my blog the way she saw it

    Rudid96 I have written many posts that I do not post

    My inner thoughts are not shared with anyone now

    Even my blog is not safe at times

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