I crave control, makes living with PTSD easier.



Life has changed with quarantine and covid.

Dissociation, wearing masks, keeping a six-foot distance, resembles our avoidance symptom, reinforce our isolation tendencies.

This pandemic has caused mental disorders to explode, ask your therapist.

We subconsciously believe others harbor danger, it’s part of our trust issues from childhood abuse.

Now science tells us people could make us sick or kill us.

Besides Covid look at the political climate, divisiveness, violence, rage, the hate.

We carry automatic weapons and execute a man for jogging suspiciously through a neighborhood, that sure does not feel safe.

The woke internet mob attacks and spreads vitriol, we have become an adversarial nation, inching toward civil war.

I do not feel safe in normal times around strangers, but, now my friends have started to conceal carry.

They say they do not feel safe.

I am not that paranoid about needing to pack a heater for the grocery.

I know three women in this small town who carry a pistol in their purse or a small back holster.


Glad they do not have my symptoms.

I believe we are more isolated now than at any time in our lives.

Complex PTSD sufferers already have a vulnerability towards isolation, an ingrained fear of what the world will do to us next.

In a way, I have a vein of victimhood in me, when it comes to the unknown, the future, it stems from being helpless as a kid, brutally abused and trapped.

I guess abused kids, covet control over all else.

We fear the uncontrolled parts of life, the uncertainty of feeling safe around strangers, the memories of past trauma, and the fear of future damage.

Simple things normal people do without thought, benign activities, can be trigger points or highly anxious events for us.

Childhood abuse and intense fear were partners, always together, a frightful pair.

I have always feared what else is going to happen to me.

Deep down I have never felt safe, at peace.

I can touch inner peace for short periods.

At times life is hopeless, at others things loosen up.




3 responses to this post.

  1. I agree that the pandemic has exacerbated my symptoms. Leaving the house feels weird. Going to the store is so strange. People everywhere feel so unpredictable and scary.

  2. I have seen people without PTSD feel like this. They have locked themselves in their house, have groceries delivered, camera’s and guns all over the house etc. This pandemic has been nothing but heartache. I hope things get better for you. ❤️

  3. Thanks

    I go out freely with many things

    It’s a roller coaster ride

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