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Healing childhood abuse is never final or absolute.
My cognitive illusions take everything way too personally.
We have Complex Ptsd and a large dose of codependency.
We chase perfectionism, crave approval and control.
Here is a great resource for codependency, an online therapist who does group and individual therapy.
https://theonlinetherapist.blog
If you were raised by a narcissist, codependency, depression, and PTSD are the issues.
Dr. Jenner’s quote,
“When children aren’t nurtured or cherished as individuals, they feel abandoned, helpless, isolated, and hopeless.
Their true self isn’t seen or isn’t valued. While a healthy, nurtured child becomes confident and proud of who they are, the neglected child becomes ashamed of who they truly are.
Their true self, with all its needs and desires and dreams, is buried deep inside the psyche.
A neglected child feels they will never be “good enough” and so they project a false self, the person they think they must become to get what they need.
They become further and further removed from their true self and more convinced that if they can just give up enough of themselves, they will finally be loved.”
.
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Remember we have our PTSD and depression to cope with on top of this codependency.
We pick mates that resemble our abusive parents, stay way too long in dysfunctional relationships as we try to please at our own expense.
My relationships have been bad picks or sabotaged by my mental disorders.
Without healing, we are not equipped to be in a relationship.
Thoughts?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by For the Love of Books on October 31, 2021 at 4:41 pm
Without healing, we are not equipped to be in a relationship.
I’m pretty sure this is why I’m not in a relationship and probably never will be. Although that could be what’s left of my original brokenness speaking rather than the increasingly healed and emerging “real” me.
Posted by Marty on October 31, 2021 at 4:45 pm
Thanks for the response
How do we discern what reality is
I lived life not knowing any of this until recently
Posted by For the Love of Books on October 31, 2021 at 5:17 pm
Reality is the present moment. Not what happened in the past, not what could happen in the future. Reality is what we can see and touch, not what is going on in our heads. Reality hits when I look up from my book and notice the walls of the room I am sitting in. It’s a sudden jerk back into the here and now.
Living in the here and now is one of the most important things we can do. It gives the subconscious part of our minds time to sort through the junk in our conscious minds and bring the truly important unbiased thoughts to the surface. If we live in the present reality the truth in our past reality is much easier to see.
Posted by Marty on October 31, 2021 at 6:00 pm
Then why we isolate
And can not trust or have lots of friends and a mate and community
What’s missing
Posted by Cynthia on November 1, 2021 at 4:59 pm
I have felt this way and sometimes still do. In my last relationship a few years ago,I felt this exact same way and think I used those exact words- “ I am not equipped to be in a healthy relationship.” I have definitely grown and shifted through spiritual relationships and practice but haven’t been in a fully committed relationship since. Sometimes i think I need to refocus on something bigger and more purposeful and let the desire for relationship go.
Posted by Marty on November 1, 2021 at 5:16 pm
Thanks for your response
I do not have the answers
Whether we try or not it is a minefield
Posted by Childhood abuse leads to PTSD, depression and Codependecy! – Rosalina Health on November 16, 2021 at 3:34 pm
[…] Childhood abuse leads to PTSD, depression and Codependecy! […]
Posted by Ryan on January 31, 2022 at 12:57 am
While I agree that without healing, a healthy relationship is not possible. The flip side is that with help and healing, a healthy relationship is possible and can even be part of the healing process!
Therapy can go a long ways in developing healthy attachment styles, and may give some the ability to feel their emotions again and begin being emotionally present in situations where hiding or acting was the previous norm for emotional survival.
Posted by Marty on January 31, 2022 at 2:07 pm
Healing is incremental
I do not run into many serious abused kids who have healthy relationships
I have healed a great deal but do not trust and never have had a healthy relationship with a mate