Different impressions of Ptsd

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My daughter has a child psych degree and years of experience in the research of children.

We differ on certain things, her impression of intrusive thoughts is much more benign than mine.

She sees control with practice and the pattern of thoughts changing over time. I agree until we get triggered, survival mode tells a much different story.

Intrusive thoughts become the monster.

She thinks community and trust are important while being a loner, being more isolated, and not trusting have a negative impact.

Can not say I disagree with that, how many seriously abused kids trust or have a positive community around them.

Many abused kids go to prison as adults, is that the community that helps heal? Check out the ACE study detailing all the extra diseases, mental disorders, and early death.

She thinks the brain has plasticity but changing hard wiring from childhood is near impossible.

Plus thinking we can reverse the damage of abuse, the larger size of the amygdala or the undersized hippocampus is never going to happen.

I agree wholeheartedly.

As she says hurt people end up hurting other people.

There is a percentage that repeats the abuse of childhood on their kids.

She pushes me to find a hobby, join a group, take a class, make attachments and go meet people.

This terrifies me as I hear her words, the risk sends me in the opposite direction.

I am not like others, I am not part of the crowd and have no desire to participate.

I can give you a list of groups that ended with me leaving, triggered, and pissed.

My trust has the depth of the kiddie pool, I have a toe in the water but the other is ready to bolt for home at the first sign of PTSD.

We must see how irrational we are, how frustrating being our friend can be.

My daughter told me it was hard putting up with “My Crazy Ass.”

I wholeheartedly agree.

It is so humbling that damage in childhood still steals my well-being at 70.

I did not sign up to be abused when I was the most vulnerable and dependant in my life.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Ok. I identify with many of what “unheard trauma looks like “

    “Always fearing what will happen next”

    I have lived this everyday of my life

    Fear of being abandoned haunted me from my earliest memories

    Lack of any attachment as a kid

    “An innate feeling of shame”

    Well it is a lot of unworthiness and humiliation

    It adds to being a loner big time

    I fear the crowd, groups, emotionally

    People have been my triggers not things

    People who were trusted and my parents connect current triggers to my past

  2. This is maybe a little out of the blue…I know you’ve read and studied so much when it comes to this subject (childhood trauma/cptsd) but I want to recommend a book to you, if you’re interested. It’s called “No Bad Parts” by Richard C. Schwartz. It’s new this year, and as I’m reading it I’m finding a new perspective on healing trauma, it’s very practical and helpful for me so far. I’ve read and studied and meditated and been in therapy forever, too. I know how hard it is, and how much I long for a full recovery, or an end to my symptoms…I’ve had good progress the last few years, lots of setbacks, too. I appreciate you sharing your journey and I’ve learned a lot from your posts. Thank you

  3. Thank you

    I have heard of the author

    I read ravenously at times

    Thanks for the input

    Please keep sharing

    We heal in increments and others have ideas that may work

    If we r not open about adapting and changing we will suffer

    I have an appt for testing my neurotransmitters and hormones for imbalance

    After all my work I have ignored the biology of ptsd

  4. Oh I knew that name
    I have done internal family system

    May have recorded the session

    Did the work

    Discovered my parts

    Helped me some

    My core is shame from my abuse

    Nothing has touched those thoughts or emotions except for short periods of time

    Would like to write a post on how the internal family system helped you

    I think it is something we all should undertake

  5. Hi Marty, I have over the years been involved in groups, etc and trusted people only to loose the trust as I grow older I am much more content on my own well with my dogs, doing what I can/want rather than having to meet anyone else’s need. My anxiety is bad at present and I make arrangements to socialise and then do not go. My personal experience writing my own blog, when I write it helps me often to see how I am going, to share my personal experiences and management both positive and not so in dealing with situations.
    I can see where I have been and work constantly to not go back documenting here is theraputic for me. Even if no one read my words, looked at my photos I find it helps. I find your sharing and knowledge helpful. Thank You

  6. Oh my

    It’s great to hear from you Tazzie

    I was wondering how you were doing

    Animals, pets are much more loyal than people.

    We need to feel safe and enjoy as much of life as we can.

    I have missed you and your oarticiparion

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