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My daughter has a child psych degree and years of experience in the research of children.
We differ on certain things, her impression of intrusive thoughts is much more benign than mine.
She sees control with practice and the pattern of thoughts changing over time. I agree until we get triggered, survival mode tells a much different story.
Intrusive thoughts become the monster.
She thinks community and trust are important while being a loner, being more isolated, and not trusting have a negative impact.
Can not say I disagree with that, how many seriously abused kids trust or have a positive community around them.
Many abused kids go to prison as adults, is that the community that helps heal? Check out the ACE study detailing all the extra diseases, mental disorders, and early death.
She thinks the brain has plasticity but changing hard wiring from childhood is near impossible.
Plus thinking we can reverse the damage of abuse, the larger size of the amygdala or the undersized hippocampus is never going to happen.
I agree wholeheartedly.
As she says hurt people end up hurting other people.
There is a percentage that repeats the abuse of childhood on their kids.
She pushes me to find a hobby, join a group, take a class, make attachments and go meet people.
This terrifies me as I hear her words, the risk sends me in the opposite direction.
I am not like others, I am not part of the crowd and have no desire to participate.
I can give you a list of groups that ended with me leaving, triggered, and pissed.
My trust has the depth of the kiddie pool, I have a toe in the water but the other is ready to bolt for home at the first sign of PTSD.
We must see how irrational we are, how frustrating being our friend can be.
My daughter told me it was hard putting up with “My Crazy Ass.”
I wholeheartedly agree.
It is so humbling that damage in childhood still steals my well-being at 70.
I did not sign up to be abused when I was the most vulnerable and dependant in my life.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Marty on September 9, 2021 at 4:32 pm
Ok. I identify with many of what “unheard trauma looks like “
“Always fearing what will happen next”
I have lived this everyday of my life
Fear of being abandoned haunted me from my earliest memories
Lack of any attachment as a kid
“An innate feeling of shame”
Well it is a lot of unworthiness and humiliation
It adds to being a loner big time
I fear the crowd, groups, emotionally
People have been my triggers not things
People who were trusted and my parents connect current triggers to my past
Posted by laurajane74 on September 9, 2021 at 5:18 pm
This is maybe a little out of the blue…I know you’ve read and studied so much when it comes to this subject (childhood trauma/cptsd) but I want to recommend a book to you, if you’re interested. It’s called “No Bad Parts” by Richard C. Schwartz. It’s new this year, and as I’m reading it I’m finding a new perspective on healing trauma, it’s very practical and helpful for me so far. I’ve read and studied and meditated and been in therapy forever, too. I know how hard it is, and how much I long for a full recovery, or an end to my symptoms…I’ve had good progress the last few years, lots of setbacks, too. I appreciate you sharing your journey and I’ve learned a lot from your posts. Thank you
Posted by Marty on September 9, 2021 at 5:38 pm
Thank you
I have heard of the author
I read ravenously at times
Thanks for the input
Please keep sharing
We heal in increments and others have ideas that may work
If we r not open about adapting and changing we will suffer
I have an appt for testing my neurotransmitters and hormones for imbalance
After all my work I have ignored the biology of ptsd
Posted by Marty on September 9, 2021 at 5:40 pm
Oh I knew that name
I have done internal family system
May have recorded the session
Did the work
Discovered my parts
Helped me some
My core is shame from my abuse
Nothing has touched those thoughts or emotions except for short periods of time
Would like to write a post on how the internal family system helped you
I think it is something we all should undertake
Posted by Tazzie on September 12, 2021 at 6:10 am
Hi Marty, I have over the years been involved in groups, etc and trusted people only to loose the trust as I grow older I am much more content on my own well with my dogs, doing what I can/want rather than having to meet anyone else’s need. My anxiety is bad at present and I make arrangements to socialise and then do not go. My personal experience writing my own blog, when I write it helps me often to see how I am going, to share my personal experiences and management both positive and not so in dealing with situations.
I can see where I have been and work constantly to not go back documenting here is theraputic for me. Even if no one read my words, looked at my photos I find it helps. I find your sharing and knowledge helpful. Thank You
Posted by Marty on September 12, 2021 at 12:16 pm
Oh my
It’s great to hear from you Tazzie
I was wondering how you were doing
Animals, pets are much more loyal than people.
We need to feel safe and enjoy as much of life as we can.
I have missed you and your oarticiparion