Violence inside my head

Pixabay Pavlofox

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Do normal people have the violence inside their minds that childhood abuse people experience?

It feels dangerous, harm seems imminent, screaming and confusion are out of control.

How can I describe terror in my inner world, an unsafe place for me when trauma erupts.

Yes my mind is a dangerous place for me when it is active.

More appropriate, my minds defense mechanism is broken, perceiving danger everywhere then marking traumatic memories as so important, they need to be avoided at all costs.

Think a normal friend will understand our life, our challenges.

Hard to be included with a damaged brain like this.

We need to navigate whatever works best for us.

I try to be honest, almost blunt, in my writing.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on September 6, 2021 at 6:43 pm

    Your posts are more helpful than you know. I can usually find something that resonates deep within in everything you write.

    I don’t have any good insights, just wanted you to know I hear your pain and I’m right there with you.

  2. Besides a therapist who is paid to listen, this blog is where I am understood, that’s it
    Someone told me the other day
    Many are suffering out there
    What does that mean
    It nullifies my suffering
    I need to just suck it up and ignore ptsd
    What is my alternative I am not seeing
    I must be missing something
    Many are not suffering out there

    Many had a good childhood
    You must learn to be alone without being lonely or our suffering will lead to extreme behavior
    I need very little in my life
    Basic shelter and food, no vacations or eating out or parties
    Others can not accept how I live my life or how ptsd impacts it
    I must be doing something wrong
    There is always an easy solution
    An abused kid has never uttered those words
    I am supposed to have community, large swaths of trusted friends,

    I will never feel safe around people, will never trust them
    I do not desire to be around people

  3. My chest and gut have been hurting for two days from the stress of that meditation group I just quit

    Joining groups never works out

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