A look at my PTSD at 70

I consider my PTSD to be matured after a decade-plus of activity.

Fear and high anxiety are a thing of the past, currently, PTSD brings hopelessness and depression.

To navigate this mess, I have reduced my desires then accepted the suffering.

I have a decade-plus of therapy and intense practice, further healing will be small incrementally if at all.

Now, I try to sit in the middle of my unworthiness without judging or trying to escape.

The more willing I am to accept and surrender to the hopelessness, the better chance I have at lessening its power and duration.

Healing is a pipe dream for abused kids, our lives, mental and physical health will be compromised and we will suffer much more than non-abused (normal) kids.

Lots of empirical data to support this assumption.

The Adverse Childhood Experience proves this:


Trusting people will always be an issue, as joining any group is a big risk.

When PTSD erupts my inner world becomes a confusing battlefield, the fog of war numbs me.

Fear and anger mix, low doses of adrenaline and cortisol are secreted, then sadness overwhelms me, my past is alive again.

I sit in the middle of this old trauma, succeeding to stay present somedays and losing the battle other days.

This is my life at 70, I have the perspective of a complete life on PTSD.

It has negatively impacted every decade of my life.

I fight for free moments, healing is a pipe dream.

The most important thing is that I continue to fight.



One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Julie McCann on September 6, 2021 at 4:59 pm

    I care, Marty. Always will.

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