What does my Practice look like?……..Spaces earned

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/37225134407666098/

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For instance, after my morning activities, a cup of decafe, writing a post, reading the blogs and news of the day, my nervous system starts to rev up.

Instinctively, a few slow breaths give me a little space to explore.

This space to explore was earned with daily practice meditating.

I meditated when I was triggered, struggled to focus and stay present for months.

Then one day, my focused breaths calmed the monster, dissipated the cortisol and adrenaline, shocking the hell out of me.

No indication during this long journey was this guaranteed.

I felt like I was on another planet, dealing with a mind and nervous system that did whatever it felt like doing.

Finally, I witnessed the power of meditation all those books had described.

My fight or flight mechanism had reset back to my normal.

This is the mechanical side of PTSD.

Handling the intrusive thoughts and triggers becomes much easier without the adrenal stress response firing intermittently.

This space we create can be used to decide whether to react to a stimulus.

I had a second to decide before assuming an emotion or judgment.

One day a friend made a comment that immediately angered me, but in that space, I decided not to verbalize it.

I took a breath, then released that feeling.

Later, assessing the incident, I was happy for not reacting, my perception was faulty.

What we hear may not be what they intended.

I express anger much less these days.

What weakness do you react quickly, harshly to?

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10 responses to this post.

  1. Marty, thanks for the wisdom and insight!

    I am on the edge of being fully divorced (in my state of Pennsylvania, you both sign once, then there is a 3-month waiting period before it is finalized.) In these 3 months I have been going through* many* spaces, most of them anger and resentment based.

    Recently my heart has been aching and I have been so sad at this soon-to-be done mariage. It took everything I had to write my partner of the last 17 years a heartfelt and vulnerable three page letter, telling her how sad and lonely I am and how much I miss her…and that I am seeing progress in lessening the fallout of my childhood trauma (which at 58 years old, was what initially triggered me into becoming a terror to be around).

    As well, I told her I accepted that we are done and we will be signing the legal forms soon.

    Ending the letter I told her if she wants to have any kind of connection or friendship with me in the future, we need to talk –> or not.

    Two weeks later I have not heard back from her. I just today sent her an email saying, please let me know if you are going to take me up on the offer to talk — and hopefully work through some of the hard feelings (we have been separated for almost a year now) — and I told her I cannot continue to hold the door open, it is too painful. It’s now or never, please let me know what you want to do, and that I cannot continue to hold the steel trap of my emotional door open.

    Questions: * Am I a freak, having this all-or-nothing approach? * Is it a function of my emotional trauma and neglect my mother put upon me as a kid?

    I have no idea, how could I? It’s not like people go around talking about these kinds of dynamics in general conversation.

    Mick

    On Tue, Aug 31, 2021 at 9:55 AM PTSD – A Way Out wrote:

    > Marty posted: ” https://www.pinterest.com/pin/37225134407666098/ . For > instance, after my morning activities, a cup of decafe, writing a post, > reading the blogs and news of the day, my nervous system starts to rev up. > Instinctively, a few slow breaths give me a litt” >

  2. Am I a freak, having this all-or-nothing approach? * Is it a function of my emotional trauma and neglect my mother put upon me as a kid?

    I have no idea, how could I? It’s not like people go around talking about these kinds of dynamics in general conversation.

    We have more of that black and white view of life

    All or nothing I know well

    We end up with nothing in the end or close to it

    Moving on like this is hard Mick

    Thinking and reminescing is gasoline on the fire

    If you dwell on this crap it will own u

    Use your skills

    Aerobic exercise

    Physically exhaust yourself

  3. Posted by rudid96 on August 31, 2021 at 9:27 pm

    My body registers anger and fear too quickly. Staying in a workable zone has been the goal. It requires daily and sometimes, moment to moment tending. Sometimes it’s easy and at others, well it’s a work in progress.

  4. Like us

    At 70 I have no idea who I want to be

  5. Posted by rudid96 on September 1, 2021 at 1:12 am

    Mindful Marty, it’s so sad the fall out from being raised by a N is the destruction of a clear sense of self. Completing questionnaires regarding likes & dislikes where you score yourself isn’t possible. So often I feel like a stranger to myself.

  6. Look at how our lives are like a roller coaster Rudid96

    I was in the crapper a couple weeks ago

    Know it changes

    Use your tools

    Aerobic exercise if you can

    I have small skills that get me thru tough times

    Thoughts and emotions die quick if we can focus

    With intense focus. Using focus in breath, listening intently at the same time, breaks the thought pattern or the emotion dissolves

    PTSD is our thoughts or visualizations

    Triggers can be many innocuous things, but our engagement or disinterest determines how life unfolds

    We want to win more of these battles than losses

    It is a war

    Rudid96 most never know

    Fight my man

  7. I recently reacted to pictures on FB from my niece showing the “family” that has shunned me for most of my life. I did a deep breath session, feeling rage and pain but came out of it realizing I still had a soul. And no anger.

  8. Life is not easy for any of us

    It is a moment to moment existence

    The more we can travel to the next minute without the /baggage the better life becomes

    My present moment is perfect

    My last sucks

    I try to limit this impact

  9. Reacting with rage and pain is normal.

    My depth of revenge shocks me how much pain I am willing to inflict in my visualizations

    It is normal

    Our wellbeing depends on us limiting the jdrstion of these thiughts

  10. Great and helpful thoughts. Thank you for this.

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