Escaping trauma: Is it possible ?



Lately, intrusive thoughts have bombarded my consciousness, strong negative feelings add to the awkwardness of enduring this onslaught.

At some point, I try to escape, looking for help, looking for any skill that can curb the pain.

I want to scream for help!

At all costs refrain from sharing Ptsd with friends, hide as much as possible, act as normal as possible.

Smile and act like everything is peachy, squash triggers, and act strong, deny you have PTSD.

They will never understand, they will insult your suffering in the end. Normal people need to believe everything can be fixed, repaired like new in their world.

Rain on that parade and they will attack you.

My blog is the one safe place I can share my experience.

Yesterday, I sat in the middle of my trauma, not moving, not trying to avoid or fix it.

I have tried everything else.

Maybe it will get tired and collapse.

My willpower against traumas.

Who knows the winner of this, not me?



5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by 7oakley on July 29, 2021 at 4:39 pm

    I never would have connected the dots on Simone Biles. Thank you for creating this safe place, and, for being open and brave in sharing your trials. You are the butterfly whose wings change more than you can imagine.

  2. Oh I feel like a buzzard

    Sarcasm always has truth in it

    Thank you

    This is a safe place

    I will not stand for someone attacking another in this blog

    Look how we treat a young black female athlete

    Damn let those shouting pathetic loser put on some gear and face criticism themselves

    Many sports broadcasters have done nothing outstanding

    When I okayed pro sports

    The press passed me off

    Many had no personal ethics or talent

    Like golf

    Look at how Tiger Woods was treated

    I mean yes as a pro athlete many many temptations are available

    So why does golf treat Tiger like he committed a crime

    Let’s take all the black players from basketball and football whose chase women and kick them off the team

    Think people would watch the remaining product

    And I think we should hold the ethics these reporters write about to the same scrutiny

    Why we think having athletic prowess blesses anyone with wisdom to share puzzles me

  3. Posted by rudid96 on July 29, 2021 at 10:52 pm

    Mindful Marty, I told you I was under no false illusions that I was healed. My in-the-moment bubble burst a few days ago. For a while now, my strategy for preventing a full PTSD episode has entailed carefully avoiding triggers. Sometimes I feel like a jail warden. The obvious ones are easy to sidestep. Unfortunately, there’s no crystal ball to look ahead into the unknown. Something as remote as Simone Biles’s withdrawal from the Olympic games opened a flood gate of unwanted personal memories. My PTSD was off and running. PTSD stinks. Returning to oneself after what I call “an episode” is physically painful. I pulled out one of your previous posts. I believed it encourages one to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. “Recognize them, invite them in for tea, and then allow them to leave” was the idea? So much easier said than done. From where I sit in this moment, PTSD symptoms will always be present.
    Maybe the best we can do is lean into them in order to navigate thru them?

  4. Your sharing your journey benefits many in here Redid96
    What’s your first name if I may ask
    In the beginning, my triggers terrified me, I avoided my triggers.
    It seems to work for a while.
    . As you see the bomb explodes and we change into ptsd Marty
    A good friend told me today, she still wants to be my friend, but she feels helpless seeing me suffer
    So she is not communicating as much with me
    Why go make new friends when your old loyal friends can not stomach your painful life
    My PTSD is harsh to watch.
    Is that not isolating, a normal person can not be around me often.
    I am not throwing any blame or denying what she is seeing. It’s ugly
    I am moody, quiet, intense, focused
    I switch from extremely quiet to high energy conversations
    I have had to learn to keep going in the midst of pain, dark parts of part of every day that I want to be off this planet.
    I mean after a decade of work on healing, I am close to my limit
    If I evaluate my life, death would be a much more compassionate conclusion
    Living has much more suffering
    It is a massive hole
    Will the pain stop with death?

  5. Posted by rudid96 on July 31, 2021 at 3:31 pm

    Though there’s no proof, I chose to believe that earthly pain must cease at the end of life. However, if there’s a soul, energy, then that’s what is left out there. That in itself is reason to continue working at living a life of peace. Mindful Marty, these episodes may never be ‘cured’ but I reduced would be awfully nice. I’m sorry a long-time friend has had to take a breather. That must be incredibly painful for you both. I believe you’re still here precisely because of your decade of work. Frustrating and demoralizing as it may be, they offer tools in the moment or moments that are just out of reach.

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