Coping skills faltering

https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/

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This is how I cope, distract my trauma from ruminating.

I watch tv and play solitaire at the same time, trying to distract my mind away from my trauma.

My mind and the thoughts generated are the enemies.

When activated like this, emotional and physical dangers feel imminent.

It’s all abstract and irrational but feels real and immediate.

Depression is such a different animal than Ptsd.

Ptsd has energy, anxiety, fear, momentum; depression sucks the life out of you.

I am a ping pong ball, volleyed back and forth between depression and panic.

Looking back at 70, violence, emotional and physical, has always been part of my life.

My dad drilled into me failure was worse than death.

He had his heart set on me making him famous, my safety meant nothing to him, failure to perform was worse than death.

I never attempted to unplug this trait, it was accepted as part of who I was.

Childhood abuse is much more than beatings and criticism.

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One response to this post.

  1. I do the same thing with the TV and the card game. Mine is freecell.

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