My Blog may not be helpful lately

My intrusive thoughts never stop at times, normal people can not comprehend this or experience it. I do not dig up intrusive trauma thoughts they arrive on their own.



My leading, helping others out has been sparse or nonexistent lately, PTSD is alive and persistent, overbearing, powerful, I strain for the correct description.

At my worst, life stopped, I could not leave the house, I was frozen, shaking for hours, darkness marked another day survived.

My fight or flight exploded 15 times a day, I was agoraphobic, irrational fear, and anxiety imprisoned me. My prescribing Ph.D. psychologist had me on 350 milligrams of effector, a normal dose is 75.

Life was horrible. He thought I was messed up.

My mind could not handle a nervous system tilted upside down, I had lost control of everything, I reacted and suffered.

All my work has calmed my physical symptoms adequately, it is the intrusive thoughts, my mind thinking that haunts my waking hours.

My mind is out of control again, intrusive thoughts, trauma memories run constantly.

Thoughts arrive without our input, an abused kid’s thoughts could not be more different, more trauma laced, more negative, or more destructive than a normal child’s. An abused kids thoughts trigger ptsd, fear, and anxiety.

All my tools, grounding skills, focus skills, tricks, and meditating focus have minimal impact.

I am worn out physically and mentally right now.

It does feel like a war inside.

Depression becomes the second biggest symptom, actually co-morbid with PTSD.

Life is horrible again.

I know that is irrational but so is my whole life.

I share when things go well, why hide my challenges and losses.

I have to make sure everyone knows I am not giving up, just suffering and whining some.


4 responses to this post.

  1. What a difficult point to be at. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. Thinking of you!

  2. Posted by rudid96 on July 21, 2021 at 6:30 pm

    Whether you’re blogging about your emotional highs, your lows, and anything in-between, isn’t this part of your intention? To be authentic and at times, brutally honest about your own journey? Sharing the fact that sometimes it’s a battle and at other times, you’re able to share the wisdom you’ve garnered along the way is the draw of your blog. Personally, I’ve benefitted tremendously from this life connection. Mindful Marty, you’re not alone on this rollercoaster ride. Your readers are sitting right beside you. With care, concern, and compassion for you at this moment – your friend.

  3. Thank you for the kind words

  4. Thanks for the kind words

    Support and understanding are like gold to us

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