https://www.pinterest.com/pin/2111131064925739/
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How do we forgive, I have prayed for peace, healing, and forgiveness, inserted compassion, and opened my heart?
I have accepted, surrendered, forgave silently, verbally out loud, and written it down.
Cognitively I know forgiving benefits me, frees me but the damaged feelings persist, the scenario keeps playing as I battle to extinguish it.
Forgiveness is different than integrating triggers, unplugging the fight or flight mechanism, or handling other symptoms like hypervigilance, avoidance, or agoraphobia.
Where is the crack in this armor of trauma, forgiveness does not happen with my words, actions, or intention so far?
Forgiveness has resisted all my tools, all my skills so far, and all my effort.
How do I get that memory to stop playing, stop haunting, stop ruining my life?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on July 16, 2021 at 2:08 pm
I think trauma reactions (which includes traumatic memories) occur outside of conscious awareness, and are warnings that we could be in danger/ at risk again. These are powerful and, in themselves, have nothing to do with forgiveness. We can choose to not hold something against a person but our brain will keep telling us that behaviours like this/ people who have acted in those ways in the past are a threat.
Posted by Marty on July 16, 2021 at 2:39 pm
Thanks for the insight
By definition trauma memories or implicit memories are stored in the right amygdala not accessible consciously
I think trauma is also stored in the body
PTSD is a perceived threat that is similar enough to ignite old trauma
How do we forgive what will not stop playing no matter what we do
Posted by AP2 on July 16, 2021 at 2:52 pm
Heartfelt post Marty. Forgiveness is no easy thing and something that must be practised. I think acceptance is key – acceptance of what is – that the demons may never go away. I find when I can bring compassion/awareness to my own irrational fears, I can see where they come from and the grip loosens. Slowly, over time, this has helped. I wish you well Marty 🙏
Posted by Marty on July 16, 2021 at 3:00 pm
Thanks for the compassion
I am pretty good at acceptance but forgiveness has eluded me so far
I do not have irrational fears around an event I was not even part of
It was a betrayal a very public humiliating betrayal
People should of went to jail
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on July 16, 2021 at 3:22 pm
I would say forgiveness is a decision not an emotion. So even if the emotions are strong and it feels like you haven’t forgive you may have forgiven in your mind and heart.
Posted by Marty on July 16, 2021 at 3:26 pm
Interesting
But what about healing
If forgiveness changes nothing what is the purpose
I am looking for wellbeing
I like the input and ideas
You express
You have done the work