I struggle with Forgiveness




How do we forgive, I have prayed for peace, healing, and forgiveness, inserted compassion, and opened my heart?

I have accepted, surrendered, forgave silently, verbally out loud, and written it down.

Cognitively I know forgiving benefits me, frees me but the damaged feelings persist, the scenario keeps playing as I battle to extinguish it.

Forgiveness is different than integrating triggers, unplugging the fight or flight mechanism, or handling other symptoms like hypervigilance, avoidance, or agoraphobia.

Where is the crack in this armor of trauma, forgiveness does not happen with my words, actions, or intention so far?

Forgiveness has resisted all my tools, all my skills so far, and all my effort.

How do I get that memory to stop playing, stop haunting, stop ruining my life?



6 responses to this post.

  1. I think trauma reactions (which includes traumatic memories) occur outside of conscious awareness, and are warnings that we could be in danger/ at risk again. These are powerful and, in themselves, have nothing to do with forgiveness. We can choose to not hold something against a person but our brain will keep telling us that behaviours like this/ people who have acted in those ways in the past are a threat.

  2. Thanks for the insight

    By definition trauma memories or implicit memories are stored in the right amygdala not accessible consciously

    I think trauma is also stored in the body

    PTSD is a perceived threat that is similar enough to ignite old trauma

    How do we forgive what will not stop playing no matter what we do

  3. Heartfelt post Marty. Forgiveness is no easy thing and something that must be practised. I think acceptance is key – acceptance of what is – that the demons may never go away. I find when I can bring compassion/awareness to my own irrational fears, I can see where they come from and the grip loosens. Slowly, over time, this has helped. I wish you well Marty 🙏

  4. Thanks for the compassion

    I am pretty good at acceptance but forgiveness has eluded me so far

    I do not have irrational fears around an event I was not even part of

    It was a betrayal a very public humiliating betrayal

    People should of went to jail

  5. I would say forgiveness is a decision not an emotion. So even if the emotions are strong and it feels like you haven’t forgive you may have forgiven in your mind and heart.

  6. Interesting

    But what about healing

    If forgiveness changes nothing what is the purpose

    I am looking for wellbeing

    I like the input and ideas

    You express

    You have done the work

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