Healing is counterintuitive,




Healing is counterintuitive, fighting PTSD is not what you think.

Instead of battling trauma, we accept, surrender and hopefully forgive to wage our war.

Being humble then vulnerable is needed to improve or heal.

That’s not the gung-ho battle charge we see in the movies.

The war with trauma is internal, intuitive and irrational.

Forgiving frees me, forgiveness is for me.

I am praying for the strength to forgive.

Funny to ask, do I have the courage to forgive?

Never thought of it like that, it takes so much courage to forgive, far more than resist and hate.

I have faced so many demons, why is forgiveness the hardest?

Many others were cortisol filled with a perceived threat but forgiveness is a different foe.

Hard to attack forgiveness like intrusive thoughts.

We want to annihilate intrusive thoughts, shut down our fight or flight mechanism, calm our nervous system, mindfully follow our body sensation, but what the hell do we do with forgiveness.

I wanted to get rid of all of those things, but forgiving I avoided, it scared and enraged me.

Forgiving exposes us to what we fear about the abuse (abuser), frozen from the shame, we avoid forgiving out of survival, we think.

The battle with forgiveness has begun for me.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Deb on July 14, 2021 at 6:45 pm

    I can only share what works for me. I’ve learned that I must rely on my will when it comes to forgiveness, for my emotions get too much in the way. If I relied only on my feelings forgiveness would never happen.

    When angry, resentful feelings for my abuser arise I have to pause and remind myself that I’ve forgiven that person. I’ve spent more time fostering feelings of bitterness for this individual than I have engaged in the process of forgiveness, so it’s natural that I’m going to experience the negative feelings resurfacing at random. When that happens, I fall back on the certainty that I’ve willed to forgive him. I might even tell myself, “I’ve chosen to forgive this person.” Sometimes that’s all it takes, and I’m back on track.

    I don’t mean to minimize forgiveness or how difficult it is to achieve. It’s definitely a process. You might in one moment in time will that forgiveness, which sets the act of forgiveness into motion. But there is still a struggle at times. Maybe I’ll be struggling with this process for the rest of my life, I don’t know. But I’ve made the choice and I’m not sorry I did. And, just for the record, when I remind myself of that choice and stick with it the feelings fizzle. I can’t sympathize with them. The best I can do is to acknowledge that yes, this person did me a horrible injustice but I’ve made this choice and I’m sticking with it.

    Hope something in there helps you or someone reading this.

  2. Thanks Deb

    Your insights are great

    I truly believe trauma never disappears

    Some violent trauma haunts many

    We can only do our best

    This is a journey. Not a destination

    Big difference

    We should never compare

    We live our life without judgement

    If we want a chance to be happy

    My opinion

    Keep participating please

    Many learn and benefit

    Or a few

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: