Forgiveness is hard for me


From “Forgiving What you can not forget”

“DO YOU EVER FIND yourself defining life by before and after the deep hurt?

The horrific season. The conversation that stunned you. The shocking day of discovery. The stunning call about the accident. Thedivorce. The suicide. The wrongful death so unfathomable you still can’t believe they are gone.

The malpractice. The breakup. The day your friend walked away. The hateful conversation. The remark that seems to now be branded on your soul. The taking of something that should have been yours. The brutality unleashed on the one you love. The email you weren’t supposed to see. The manipulation. The violation. The false accusation. The theft. The fire. The firing. The day everything changed.

That marked moment in time.

Like your own personal BC and AD, which usually mean Before Christ and Anno Domini.
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My two cents: I have not experienced most of this but the sentiment hits close to home.

Kind of freeing to see it written down, we are not alone with our trauma.
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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on July 13, 2021 at 1:20 pm

    Ah, “Forgiveness” is a very sensitive topic among trauma survivors. It’s a personal choice. If it’s an opening to healing your own wounds then it’s doable for you. May it bring you peace.
    Personally, I’ve got a different mindset. I won’t do additional work to make space in my psyche for “forgiveness.” Too much was already taken. What I will invest in is the time and energy is spent to create the path I want in the present. To me their actions are unforgivable. To steal life and then suggest the victim “forgive?” It’s impossible to roll back the years and reincarnate my youth. I’m here in the present. Forgiveness is not mine to give. No thank you!

  2. Rudid96
    I have felt the same way and I suffered and gave power to them.
    I have said the same things about the damage and hurt
    How could I ever forgive them
    The answer is forgiveness is for us not them Rudid96
    As long as we keep our anger aimed at them wanting them to be punished we will be a captive
    I have covered all the other bases to healing for over a decade and still suffer
    Forgiveness is the gauntlet we face unfortunately

    I desire to be free of my childhood and other abuse before I die

    Whatever it takes and forgiving is the only thing left for me

    I will waste all my hard work over a decade if I quit now

  3. It is impossible to
    Roll back the years

    Impossible to fix our childhoods

    I agree

    If we can not find a way to forgive and let go

    We are never totally here in the present

    Final comment

    We were the victim in childhood

    We are the only one who can forgive

    Forgiveness is totally mine to give if I can get there

    Rudid96

    I am your test dummy

    You can watch me and see if it helps

    Or can I even accomplish forgiveness

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