PTSD is a fickle ______…… Fill in the blank

For most of my life, I was always busy subconsciously running from my trauma demons.

Sometimes, whether we isolate or mingle gingerly, we suffer, we obsessively wonder, what does it all mean.

What is the best thing to do, risk or be safe?

Are we failing by avoiding or taking risks that do more damage?

That Octopus (PTSD) entangled around my brain has no clue how to heal, let go, ignore PTSD, live freely, effortlessly, or trust easily.

Being in a group accentuates how different my thoughts, my brain, my life is. Instead of leading to wellbeing, I feel isolated and totally different than them.

I wonder how they can be so free and jolly, while I suffer.

To say we feel a twinge of jealousy is normal, it amazes us how others attach and feel safe rather easily as we avoid, isolate and have mental anguish.

So risking, joining a group, does not bring more healing, at times it brings more unrest and more PTSD symptoms.

At this point, I have done Exposure therapy, faced my demons head on, tried vigorously, many therapies, holistic healers and adopted a daily mediation practice.

I am at a loss to further my healing.

Each day is a struggle, coping is arduous somedays, life has more pain than joy by far.




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