Childhood PTSD: a moment to moment battle for our sanity



Healing from childhood PTSD looks much different than we expect.

Our wellbeing is a moment to moment battle to stay present, letting trauma thoughts flow on through without impact.

Each day presents a new challenge, a new twist, a new trigger.

The inner critic formed from childhood abuse is a different animal, created before the brain can diminish his/her strength. It is like an inner critic on steroids, he/she has always occupied prime real estate inside our Brain.

No, childhood PTSD does not evaporate, early trauma happens before the brain develops. This hard wiring needs constant vigilance, constant awareness or suffering develops.

Now, the strongest part of my PTSD is my inner voices.

He starts that snowball rolling down that PTSD hill, grasping unworthy offerings by the inner critic.

When I grasp that inner voice of unworthiness, a train of negative storylines is given life.

My gratitude and giving work is sabotaged, the inner voice undermines all our efforts.

This is a subconscious, stealthy inner voice, part unworthy Ego and part victim, it is the only jet fuel PTSD has left.

I do not know if healing is possible but calming this culprit will bring relief.

We must have hope and take daily action or we will suffer.

This challenge from our birth is not something we can ignore.

Childhood PTSD will take our life if we let the inner critic thrive.

Others will never understand the battle we face, that is another challenge we must come to grips with.

We are much different, our life does not resemble a normal life, our thoughts are weaponized around childhood abuse and the development of our brain.

We need to support each other and take daily action.


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on June 14, 2021 at 2:54 pm

    Mindful Mary, I am so glad you are here. I’m grateful for your posts. The call to share your healing practice with others is in itself a transformation of the abuse into a lasting healing legacy.

  2. My blog is much more than I ever imagined

    Most only read and follow

    A few comment once in a while

    Then are those who participate

    Some support me when I am suffering

    Having others validate my story my symptoms my thoughts is comforting

    The call to share your healing practice with others is in itself a transformation of the abuse into a lasting healing legacy.

    I lose sight of this fact even criticize it when my therapist tells me my suffering has helped others as a benefit

    My reply is that is not a life, my legacy is I was a good sufferer

    But that is Ego talking. That is inner critic

    My inner critic wants to elevate my childhood abuse, act like it was the worst

    The Egos job is to rank and compare

    It does not know the difference between abuse and cheeseburgers on impact in our lives

    If our ego knew what harms us, why would it bring trauma memories into our consciousness, why does he/she need constant approval

    Our inner critic thinks we are weak, wounded, not good enough

    He/She is the biggest manifestation of being a destructive asshole

    I picture mine as a loudmouth bully.

    We have to realize that being focused at all times is a must

    I have helped a few people who had bipolar disorder.

    The main defense is the same for PTSD.

    You have to know this present moment with keen awareness.

    For someone with bipolar disorder sensing when our mood changes is the battle.

    If we are feeling to good, manic is upon us.

    They have to unplug it before it launches or maybe all the credit cards are maxed out two days later.

    Same with us. The fewer seconds the inner critic gets to launch his diatribe the weaker PTSD becomes.

    PTSD is fueled by the inner critic

    Ok that is a revelation. More specific

    So knowing that suffering is happening when the inner critic has the podium is important

    Keep that visual when the inner critic soeaks

    Ok I rambled on

  3. Posted by rudid96 on June 18, 2021 at 1:47 pm

    Mindful Marty, your “ramblings” are anything but that. I’ve been thinking about this thing called my inner critic as of late. I’ve noticed the Ah-ha! moments & positivity are quickly followed by laundry lists of negativity and thoughts of worthlessness. The Inner Critic’s (IC) voice is so confident whereas the voice of possibilities and self-directed Here and Now are whisps. It’s curious that the IC’ voice carries such weight while the voice of Here and Now gets knocked about & discarded mere moments after it was whispered. Hmmmmm……

  4. It is our goal to give the here and now voice a microphone

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