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Inner voices and the inner critic are the focus of my recovery now.
Old habits like self shaming, having a critical relationship with myself, and self sabotage are at the core of my PTSD.
Simple phrases like, We are mature now, We are safe, We are worthy, We are loved, calm the wounded child.
I was abused in childhood not flawed, not unworthy, and not damaged at my core.
After a week of work on my inner voices, glimpses of value and acceptance have appeared.
With all the healing work done in the last decade, my inner critic is the piece that fuels my PTSD.
Worthlessness springs from these inner voices, they are the culprit.
On my healing journey, I improved in small increments, using many therapies and techniques.
Childhood PTSD presents the greatest trauma challenge for a therapist, it is not a single event that happened after the brain developed.
Childhood Trauma is like an octopus entwined around our brain development, looking from the inside it is hard for us to determine what is mind and what is trauma.
Our inner critic is formed before we become aware, before some parts of the brain develop to handle trauma efficiently.
The inner critic is part of us, so we need to soothe him and make him safe and secure first.
This is the way out of survivor mode.
Thoughts?
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Posted by rudid96 on June 13, 2021 at 3:53 pm
My thoughts are that this post is spot on! How true – “Our inner critic is formed before we become aware before some parts of the brain develop to handle trauma efficiently” Untangling the intrinsic, core belief that our abuser was more knowledgable and knew more is a gargantuan life-long task. Recovery leads one to the false belief that the ego has distanced from the trauma. My thoughts are that one is only a trigger away. That’s why a sustained practice is imperative.
Posted by Marty on June 13, 2021 at 4:02 pm
Rudid96
The inner critic is present not a ancient memory
Inner critic is alive now
I tried destroying him then realized he is part of me
Use theses phrases whenever the inner critic surfaces
We are worthy
We are safe
We are loved
We are fine
Simple
Like I said I am not flawed at my core
That inner voice was trying to protect me
Now his services are not needed
Posted by Deb on June 13, 2021 at 4:04 pm
Thank you for this, I’ve never looked at it this way before.
Posted by Sara on June 13, 2021 at 4:05 pm
Yes to all of this! Your description of the octopus feels so accurate.
Posted by Deb on June 13, 2021 at 4:05 pm
Oh wow, I’ve been trying forever to leave comments on your site. I think this is the first time my comment went through!
Posted by Marty on June 13, 2021 at 4:06 pm
My insecurities and fears are given great power when I believe my inner critic
Think if all the worthless and failure thoughts that proliferate our minds
We worry and doubt because of the inner critic
Our behavior is influenced by our inner critic
We let our inner critic narrow life
I will not relinquish anymore without a battle
I have done affirmations, gratitude and giving
The inner critic is not detained by these practices
Posted by Marty on June 13, 2021 at 4:07 pm
Cool
WordPress has these new block editor things
I like the old format
I must be a curmudgeon
Posted by Deb on June 13, 2021 at 4:09 pm
I feel like the odd man out who’s finally be allowed to join the cool kids at school! I don’t know why all my other comments didn’t make it through. I’ve been reading your blog for the longest time. I like how you put things. I like that your posts are short and sweet. You get right to the point.
Posted by Marty on June 13, 2021 at 4:16 pm
We are glad to hear your voice
Responses make my blog come alive
I thought I was an expert on ptsd
When I have no answers for my trauma it does not seem so
But I usually find another way out
This journey is not linear
Lots of bumps and setbacks
Posted by rudid96 on June 14, 2021 at 2:46 pm
Thank you for the reply. I think C-PTSD messes with the ability to absorb and utilize wisdom. In the past, I’ve read the words of your suggested mantra; “We are worthy
We are safe, We are loved, We are fine” and at the first trigger, those words evaporate. Today, in the here and now, I come a little closer to absorbing those words. Now if they will continue to resonate in the face of being triggered, that would really be something!
Posted by Marty on June 14, 2021 at 2:49 pm
Rudid96
I have healed once but never calmed this demon
It impacts my ego and my self worth
It is the soul of my Ptsd
It is a created damaged soul of childhood trauma
We are safe
For me I felt shame from my college betrayal
It reinforced my abusive childhood
The phrase we are safe
Shows me no real danger existed
Especially since I did nothing wrong
My inner critic takes blame for others behavior
That’s insane but what I have done my whole life
I am stopping it as well as I can
Posted by fgsjr2015 on July 4, 2021 at 12:20 am
My inner critic can get pretty vicious. It’s the kind that would tell me that even if I create an imaginary girlfriend, she’d reject me.
Posted by Marty on July 4, 2021 at 1:37 am
We know nothing different
But it is bs and a mirage
We are perfect as our true self
We are just damaged
Posted by Jogesh on August 27, 2021 at 7:27 am
So true. The inner critic can cause us to shine or perish. It’s very important to heal if it’s wounded.