https://pixabay.com/users/b4ssti-2806536/
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My focus has changed, searching and integrating past trauma has been replaced. I have spent way to much time dealing with trauma memories and triggers.
Now, my healing path deals with my current reactions to right now. Following every situation in this moment, I strive to understand and not react immediately.
This is a drastic change in my approach to healing.
I have become way to sensitive to outside stimulus, reacting irrationally to insignificant situations.
This is fertile ground for improvement.
The fear of loss combined with my compromised nervous system impacts my life negatively.
Underlying this fear of loss is unworthiness at my core.
If I integrated all of my trauma, this unworthiness would still remain unfazed. The fear of loss is an abstract thought, given power through my nervous system but highly damaging to living free.
This is exciting for me.
I see opportunity, a chance to improve.
We all get lost inside our childhood trauma from time to time.
Therapy was responsible for some of my improvement however the majority of healing happened while I was alone.
Without exploring my inner world thoroughly I would be lost in the irrationality of PTSD.
This realization has taken a decade of relentless work to uncover.
Now, I am trying to change, working on my nervous system and this unworthiness.
The difference, I am working on changing it in this moment, the next stimulus, not the past.
Thoughts on this serpentine road.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on May 30, 2021 at 1:37 pm
Beautiful and inspiring. Yes, we need to look at our trauma. Insight and understanding are important. But working on changing in this moment is important too.
Posted by Marty on May 30, 2021 at 1:40 pm
Thank you
We journey together
Our insights can help others at times
I write to share and to understand my path
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on May 30, 2021 at 1:53 pm
You insights are much appreciated!
Posted by rudid96 on May 30, 2021 at 4:45 pm
The stages of healing have been referenced by any number of healing professionals. My journey is one of the concentric circle models. Some of the trauma bread crumbs are easier to step around than others. One way of learning to let go of painful experiences is by working with the body. It’s a slow, deliberate process but I’m finding some success. However, the residue of emotional abuse is more than crumbs. Rewriting the mental script of worthlessness & shame in connection with people proves to be much more difficult & heavier lifting.
Posted by Marty on May 30, 2021 at 4:49 pm
I know your doing the work
Keep going
If I judge today as horrible
Wonder it tomorrow is worse
Conclusion
Do not judge today
Live it
I need to hear this
If I just this hamburger as awful after the first bite
How do you think the rest of lunch is going to taste
This is the best burger with the ingredients available