PTSD: life is out of balance

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/628744797980522203/

Maybe we should buy this pin for $3.99 to wear. Just kidding.

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Feedback: My daughter has a wider picture than most, she wonders where the overachiever, the guy with drive, passion and purpose went. Her frustration boils over, PTSD robs many lives. This brings a sorrow I do not know how to fix.

PTSD and trying to heal from PTSD has consumed a decade. For the first five years I spent eight to ten hours a day trying to heal, meditating, reading and applying therapy.

It’s time spent dealing with past trauma, in a way it’s own dissociative trap. We become self centered, not like a narcissist looking for adulation, but a person looking for relief.

I focused intently, maybe even maniacally on healing.

The rest of life was put on hold when PTSD exploded, childhood trauma took my life over, revved my nervous system to high alert, and fear did the rest.

At my worst, life was not worth living. Improvement was necessary to Function first, then survive.

I improved and integrated trauma with regularity, the problem, there was always more behind it.

For someone with a whole childhood of abuse, where is the balance in this?

Trying to heal keeps me engaged with my past trauma.

If I refrain from trying to heal, PTSD does not go away but gets worse.

That’s lose lose.

I can not imagine what my behavior looks like to family and friends.

My complex PTSD has totally consumed my life for a decade now.

Where is the path for me, the balance in life I dearly miss?

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2 responses to this post.

  1. I am the same. Needing to feed my creativity has helped me the most with finding new hobbies. I have to set aside time consciously for this. The healing has such a pull on me but life is more enjoyable when I mellow out.

  2. I am glad you have found your way

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