https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/
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Hiding deep under all conscious thought or memory, I have discovered hard wired core beliefs.
In childhood, functioning in survivor mode, fear of loss and failure was a constant threat from my father.
Now, I find my nervous system occupied with perceived threats, every situation seems to contain a chance of failure. This feeling of danger has stealthily impacted my nervous system and existence.
My fight or flight mechanism does not fire full throttle but the worry of impending failure lives on.
My nervous system never relaxes in a crowd, never feels safe and secure, always wants to escape perceived danger.
All of these worries happen quickly without thought. It precedes thought, I have discovered.
Danielle Young, LPC, NCC writes:
“The thinking brain begins to dim, similar to that of a light switch, and instead our trauma brain or survival brain, begins to brighten. When that light dims, we loose the ability to use these skills effectively. Our survival brain reacts impulsivity in order to maintain self-preservation; it’s tells us that using the executive functioning skills will take too much time to process the information and that safety cannot be guaranteed. The survival brain is trying to keep us alive, but it can make everything feel much more difficult.”
A hybrid survival mode brain has thrived under my normal functioning thinking brain.
All the chances of wellbeing are lost in survival mode.
It has taken years of inner exploration, meditating, to uncover this dysfunctional mode of living.
I think this is the final peeling of the onion, my PTSD core strength is hidden in survival mode.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Dr. Andrea Dinardo on May 21, 2021 at 12:45 am
Hybrid Survival Brain. Genius way of framing your evolution. “Final peeling of the onion” This is what I see for you too Marty!
Posted by Marty on May 21, 2021 at 2:24 am
Well we can not pick our birth caregivers
The ultimate lottery
But a spiritual teacher I stumbled upon online
Gave me special insight
She said maybe a different caregiver would of been worse
I never thought of that
She said my toxic masculinity was the man who observed my trauma
Let him go and I am free
You understand my words
Not many realize my experience
This documentary made a big impact
Thank you for taking the time in your busy day to respond
I have gratitude for your kindness
https://cptsdawayout.com/2021/05/12/the-mask-you-live-in/
We accept our burden and exert maximum effort
What else is there
You lead a whole younger generation
You are I trusted with conveying what a healer is and is not
Is that a burden or a destiny
Posted by rudid96 on May 21, 2021 at 2:26 pm
Do people with C-PTSD ever become like ‘normal’ folk; social engagement is spontaneous, tools for self-regulation are held lightly, without the life or death grip. The hardest part of this journey – Nah, who am I kidding, every part is hard, however, a mysterious part has been doing somatic work. That’s where the body remembers what I thought was long ago forgotten. As Mindful Marty has said, it’s peeling an onion, layer after layer. My guess is like most living things, my history will leave a footprint but my hope is I’ll be more in charge of directing my steps.
Posted by Marty on May 21, 2021 at 2:31 pm
We will never be like normal folk and for us trying to be like them will only bring suffering
We are not less we are different
Our mind hard wired differently so no we will never be like them but we can be our best version
I have a post coming in just how my mind focuses on danger above all else
Usually it’s emotional danger
PTSD danger
Posted by pappu on May 21, 2021 at 5:15 pm
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