Doom and Gloom has left the building


For months after an old betrayal exploded, I did not want to be that guy, shamed and humiliated. Combined with my abusive childhood, I was overwhelmed.

Life felt dark, worthless, I regretted being alive. Nothing I tried worked, my meditation practice and all my therapeutic tools only granted me a brief respite.

Gloom and doom was horrible for a life long overachiever.

Losing desire for life shocked those close to me, I was not fun to be around.

Therapy was not working, so I searched out a spiritual solution.

When I joined the Kundalini zoom group, it was different, unique and soothing. I did not see the depth, skill or power of the leader at first. I had not experienced a person like this since professional baseball, a leader, a person who can inspire others.

As developed and strong, my meditation practice was missing something.

After a couple months of showing up everyday Jennifer, the spiritual leader, called me twice, she took time out to personally help me.

The second call worked. She pointed out my toxic masculinity, my concept of being an alpha male, experienced my betrayal.

After watching the documentary “The Mask you Live in”, a big bell went off. I dropped that toxic “Ego” and a heavy weight disappeared.

All my gloom and doom was connected to protecting that alpha male image. As long as this was my identity, I suffered.

It happened so quickly, after all the months of work to improve changed nothing, I was astonished that betrayal lost its power instantly.

Life had changed in an instant again. Not the first time or probably not the last.

If you follow this blog, you can chart the highs and lows of a person living and battling childhood trauma.



We can never give up, we never know when that change will happen.

We need to persevere when things seems hopeless, hopeless has been part of my PTSD journey.

2 responses to this post.

  1. What a wonderful shift for you Marty. When the student is ready, the teacher appears ❣️

  2. Thank you

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