A Crooked Path



For a decade, in therapy, working to heal from childhood therapy, I improved, however PTSD still thrived.

On my own, I meditated, worked diligently to let go and create a healthy, worthy “Ego”.

I got stuck when a terrible betrayal resurfaced. That me felt shamed and worthless.

My spiritual teacher addressed this issue for me. She pointed out being raised in toxic masculinity, being a real man (Ego) defined me.

We are never responsible for others behavior, but toxic masculinity gives us rigid guidelines of behavior.

Instead of creating a new “Ego”, which never worked for me, she told me to just throw this old one away.

Know that young Marty assumed a flawed mask of strength and power, which brought weakness and fear.

Your suffering is tied to this rigid “Ego”.

Throwing away an “Ego” that existed from my earliest memories is so soothing for my being.

This small adjustment feels like freedom, a huge burden has melted away.

How can such a small shift make this big of an impact?

We never know what will make a difference. Hopeless and helpless have disappeared

Now, let’s see if this lasts and another impediment is removed.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on May 14, 2021 at 9:39 pm

    Hope! I’m excited for you!

  2. Funny how often I have taught and worked on reworking my ego

    Now knowing that old Ego is the reason I experienced such a strong PTSD reaction frees me

    I have not really created a new Ego but leaving the toxic one go does the trick so far

    Yes hope

    The moral is to not give up when things are fought, helpless hopeless feeling

    You know the drill and persistence this takes

    So what’s unique in my kundalini teacher guided me

    Therapy has worked but my spiritual is as important or more now.

    Just having that morose feeling to disappear is like heaven

    The cessation of suffering can be euphoric

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