The male Ego and Trauma

https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/

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My insecurities living up to the male ego my father demanded, caused so much anxiety and fear.

Being a man meant never showing weakness, hiding emotions and being prepared to respond to any threat with force.

I was not the man of my father wishes, I was far from the alpha male, superstar he envisioned.

Navigating life was difficult, failure lurked around every corner. Worry and fear of failure entered my mind at every turn.

I could not be seen as weak, never could back down, and my nervous system and stomach bore the brunt of living like this.

All that fear of failure made an anxious, scared boy.

My spiritual teacher pointed out this toxic masculinity, said it was a prison of my own construct.

I see that finally. My dad was not a brave man, never went to bars or fought another man, he was a giant beating my ass half to death.

He wanted me to be the man he never was. That is extremely sad, his weaknesses caused my trauma.

All that suffering, and most of my trauma happened to that toxic “Ego”, the man I was supposed to be.

I find that it is easy for me to let that toxic “Ego” go, release it and all trauma it collected.

It is like a big weight has lifted for a couple of days.

Moral of story: I have been suffering lately and it has felt helpless, but we never give up, this is part of our journey, our challenge.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on May 15, 2021 at 4:49 pm

    Mindful Marty, I’ve been following your recent posts about the tentative changes you’re experiencing. I too hope your burden dissipates and ultimately poofs away.
    Reading and cheering for your every success!

  2. Redid96. Our breakthroughs can be so close and they feel years away

    The cessation of suffering is euphoric

    Just not having gloom and doom is euphoric

    My mind can relax finally

    Redid96. My spiritual teachers meditation group has helped me heal some more

    I recommend trying this path. Half hour a day, much easier than traditional meditation

    I stumbled in this group and did not realize the power before me.

    I have a good kundalini post coming up

  3. Posted by rudid96 on May 19, 2021 at 4:12 pm

    Mindful Marty, I imagine that having the power to set aside the gloom and doom absolutely does open the door. It allows one’s true spirit to be freer more receptive to embracing life as it is, not as it was.
    Electronic snafoos delayed me, I’ll be watching for the Kundalini post. Perhaps it’s already posted and I need to catch up on what I’ve missed.

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