https://pixabay.com/users/clker-free-vector-images-3736/
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I asked my therapist about me finding meaning or purpose in my suffering. He chuckled, amazed that I thought there was a meaning for my suffering, that it even mattered in recovery.
Must be a disconnect between theory and reality.
My suffering in childhood did not lead to any joyful moments, did not lead to me becoming something special. Life was painful, I felt unworthy, hopeless and depressed.
I find a horrific meaning, a terrible result, a life of pain. Where is the good in all of this?
It escapes my feeble traumatized brain. I did nothing to cause my abuse, so finding purpose seems very strange.
This great epiphany of meaning and purpose has eluded me, my trauma ruined my life, if that was the purpose, it succeeded.
oh yes, I know it was not me, it was others mental frailties and issues that caused my Trauma, but the the suffering was mine alone.
Knowing my PTSD is not my fault does nothing to make it better or help me lessen the pain.
my therapist did say this quarantine has exacerbated all his trauma clients and especially his complex PTSD patients.
He said it will get worse before improving, so set expections.
PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on May 11, 2021 at 3:27 pm
So sorry to hear some of this, but I get it.
Posted by Marty on May 11, 2021 at 3:50 pm
My therapist recommended Tapping like EFT and movement type activities with affirmations
Also I am going to look into a taking atavan for a couple of months.
He said they have had some success with serious PTSD. Clients
Now I am adding my spiritual journey
I have found a teacher, a healer online
PTSD is all Ego, the path to healing is they the heart
She gives me hope and insight where therapy ends
Therapy rarely deals with the heart
Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on May 11, 2021 at 4:29 pm
So glad to hear that. Hope is something that helps so much, or has for me. Your in my prayers..
Posted by Marty on May 11, 2021 at 4:30 pm
We journey together
I have gotten lost inside traumas symptoms more than once
Posted by rudid96 on May 11, 2021 at 11:12 pm
I hear you loud and clear. I don’t think therapy is supposed to leave the client filled with more shame and guilt. Once, and only once, I experienced my therapist truly getting my pain. That was healing. However, therapy that focuses on reframing and moving on feels like more of the same denial and perpetuates the trauma.