8 Keys to Forgiveness: Part 4

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6. When forgiveness is hard, call upon other strengths

“Forgiveness is always hard when we are dealing with deep injustices from others. I have known people who refuse to use the word forgiveness because it just makes them so angry. That’s OK—we all have our own timelines for when we can be merciful. But if you want to forgive and are finding it hard, it might help to call upon other resources.

First remember that if you are struggling with forgiveness, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure at forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that takes time, patience, and determination. Try not to be harsh on yourself, but be gentle and foster a sense of quiet within, an inner acceptance of yourself. Try to respond to yourself as you would to someone whom you love deeply.

Surround yourself with good and wise people who support you and who have the patience to allow you time to heal in your own way. Also, practice humility—not in the sense of putting yourself down, but in realizing that we are all capable of imperfection and suffering.

Try to develop courage and patience in yourself to help you in the journey. Also, if you practice bearing small slights against you without lashing out, you give a gift to everyone—not only to the other person, but to everyone whom that person may harm in the future because of your anger. You can help end the cycle of inflicting pain on others.

If you are still finding it hard to forgive, you can choose to practice with someone who is easier to forgive—maybe someone who hurt you in a small way, rather than deeply. Alternatively, it can be better to focus on forgiving the person who is at the root of your pain—maybe a parent who was abusive, or a spouse who betrayed you. If this initial hurt impacts other parts of your life and other relationships, it may be necessary to start there.”

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My two cents: I find these keys to forgiveness informative so far but have little impact on me forgiving.

I lost the ability to trust, to view the world as safe, forgiveness scrambles my brain, I still feel the shame.

PTSD brings trauma to life, like it happened last week for me.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on May 7, 2021 at 8:25 pm

    I understand the point of forgiveness as explained in the article. Sometimes, I envy those that who find forgiveness as part of their spiritual or religious beliefs are fortunate. They lighten their load.
    The best I’ve been able to do is chip away at tilting my focus away from the abusers by work at shoring up my own healthy resources. The past is the past but to deny its imprint and pretend it was ultimately for the good is perpetuating the madness of the abusers.

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