https://pixabay.com/users/clker-free-vector-images-3736/
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The see-saw quality of PTSD: Traumas ability to enter our consciousness when he/she feels like it.
PTSD demonstrates separate qualities, a stand alone power source and a tight relationship with our negative emotions.
My image of PTSD is a roller coaster, a big, tall monster of a ride.
In real life my lows are much deeper than the highs.
https://pixabay.com/users/openclipart-vectors-30363/
The highs are always guarded, not trusting what the world has in store next.
Explanation: In childhood I had no control, no impact on what would happen to me.
Life since childhood carries that harmful unknown, out there, just beyond my visual reach.
Our traumatized mind scours the future incessantly looking to avoid more damage.
Such a waste of time, it happens automatically without directed thought from me.
My behavior has never caused my trauma, so I had no control over the outcome of my PTSD.
My personality was hard wired feeling like this..
When Trauma erupts, ignoring it is quite impossible, so we either avoid it or work to improve it.
This dominates life, I avoided, hiding in my dark garage, the only flaw was bringing my traumatized 🧠 brain with me.
I isolated physically for six months, my trauma filled brain (mind) still dominated life, if I was alone or amongst 30,000.
Back to basics, accept and try to release, exercise to deplete the cortisol or meditate.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on April 25, 2021 at 6:59 pm
I had to go look, but in a few posts I describe it the same way. A roller coaster ride of ups and downs. So I feel you. My highs are getting higher and staying there longer, the lows not as low as in the past. But man your right. It’s not free. A lot of work.
Posted by Marty on April 25, 2021 at 10:39 pm
It’s nice to realize we are not alone
I have been introduced to breath work for clearing things
I loved it
Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on April 26, 2021 at 10:31 am
it is nice now that you mention that. For so long I thought it must be only me. I know your work helps a lot of people! Much appreciated.
Posted by rudid96 on April 27, 2021 at 1:38 pm
I appreciate the comments by others. Incrementally, Just when I think I’m clearing a ridge, something unexpected will trigger. Yes, I’m growing stronger but that growth is s-l-o-w!
I appreciate Marty’s sentence “When Trauma erupts, ignoring it is quite impossible, so we either avoid it or work to improve it.” I keep plugging away. However, I continue to avoid so many things. My mind may say “that was then, this is now” but for my body, time stands still.
Posted by Marty on April 27, 2021 at 1:43 pm
My days are a rollercoaster
Some good moments, a good uphill hike, meditating, then trauma runs
I am great at turning it off at times
But ptsd is persistent, mine can run and run and run without any help from me
Everyday I do my work
I try to not judge anything or I will suffer more
Posted by rudid96 on April 27, 2021 at 3:08 pm
I hear you, Marty! Such is the living legacy of working with personal trauma.