PTSD: Revenge or Forgiveness?

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For me, intrusive thoughts are the big issue living with PTSD.

Once a trauma memory gets rolling all the negative emotions engulf us. 

One of my weaknesses is wanting revenge, wanting my abusers to pay a price, basic human nature.

This has not worked out well, actually it has damaged me more, made me suffer.

Forgiveness has been difficult, I have many harshly held resentments for the damage done to me.

This is the essence of PTSD for me now.

My PTSD has become a hybrid form since many of my traumas have been integrated or partially healed.

How much time my intrusive thoughts spend in my consciousness determines the outcome of everyday.

For that reason my mantra, I forgive everyone for everything they have done to harm me, was shortened.

I made the acronym FEE, Forgive Everyone Everything.

When an intrusive thought invades my space, immediately the acronym FEE appears followed by forgive everyone everything. 

FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING……FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING…….FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING…..FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING.

Am I a little OCD?

Repetition till it’s reflexive and intuitive makes our acronym much more effective.

Know your mind, it’s patterns and habits intimately.

When intrusive thoughts are broken, the emotions attached do not get a chance to draw me in.

This is a war between me and my PTSD, who will dominate my thoughts is the ultimate winner.

I healed the first time by not thinking about my father or my abuse.

So far it has helped clear my day of some of traumas turmoil.

Anything we can do to stay present, to stop dissociating, leaving this moment to ruminate, bodes well for us.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on April 6, 2021 at 7:16 pm

    To me, being able to finally control intrusive thoughts was the key.

  2. Control is something we fool ourselves about

    I think I control two things attitude and effort

    I have tried to control my thoughts many many times

    But I know what you mean

  3. Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on April 6, 2021 at 10:10 pm

    Not gonna lie, me either. What worked for me was prayer. 1’st He took away the hate so I was no longer depressed and I’m now able to discard those intrusive thoughts pretty quickly. They still make an appearance, but manageable. It wasn’t 1 day of prayer, more like over a year. So not the quick fix for me anyway. But, we go with what works for us.

  4. Hey man

    If that works it is the best therapy for you

    I commend u

  5. Intrusive thoughts are really bad for me. Especially sometimes about self-harm/suicidal ideation. Luckily I don’t normally act on them, but having them constantly is exhausting.

  6. It is exhausting

    Where do they originate?

    I follow them backwards but find no source

    I know 60,000 cross our path daily but Trauma thoughts penetrate and come at a much quicker rate along with strong emotions

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