Where did that other Guy go?

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This morning meditating my childhood trauma, my old triggers began running.

The triggers do not fire with much force now, the issue is what my mind will do to me for four or five days.

All those thoughts raced through my cognitive mechanism, once healed or absent for five years, now appear.

I went back through my favorite posts, amazing how free, positive and energetic I was.

Who is that guy, where did he go, I feel none of that power right now.

Some of us would be good test subjects for PTSD.

I would love to have a functional MRI on my brain for PTSD and seeing the change meditations has made physically.

Those close to me, want me to engage life more, distract myself more.

I am searching for ways to neutralize all these symptoms.

It’s a difficult balance, life has no safety for me right now.

It is abstract and irrational, primal from early childhood, violent and abusive.

I still fight this everyday, it is winning today, maybe not tomorrow.

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