Old Memories, How do they hold power?

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Time and memory change when my PTSD explodes with something new.

The last six months are a jumbled mess, totally confusing.

It feels like I have been in an internal war. I felt pain, suffering, worthlessness, shame and unknown fear.

All this came from a 50 year old trauma (implicit) memory.

Was it real?

Can a 50 year old trauma cause pain now?

Sounds like the definition of PTSD, but common sense is amazed.

It’s air, no one in contact with me can see or feel my memory or pain.

Look how hard it would be to prove PTSD 50 years later.

They can not check my memory.

I am the only one who knows. My abuser is dead.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. I hear ya buddy. One of my abusers is dead, the other nearing 100. I keep praying that he keeps living. Why should he get the easy way out while I’m still suffering. And, yes, I was barely 3 when it started and I’m almost 50 and, still, new things are coming up that my mind was apparently protecting me from. Now I have the power though to face them. I wasn’t allowed to express anger then, or complain. I’m sorry you didn’t get justice for your suffering YET. I haven’t either, YET. My faith helps me there. As for those old memories, I was getting treatment once from someone who does cranial sacral therapy (it was just like massage therapy) and after she started massaging around my core/stomach area I felt an overwhelming and intense pouring out of sadness. It was like a river of sadness was flowing out from me. My eyes started pouring tears. I didn’t know what was wrong, but she did. She explained that we store our memories in our muscles, not our brain. Think about it, how can you walk, drive, write, etc. without trying to remember how? Our muscles are memory storage machines. The saying is backwards: it is really “Out of mind, out of sight.” But our memories are never removed from us. They are stored in our bodies, so it only makes sense that very old memories can be triggered into coming out of storage at times. Have you read The Body Keeps The Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk? He explains it well.

  2. Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on March 9, 2021 at 6:47 pm

    I remembered something from 60 yrs ago that floored me. Right or wrong I’ve decided against trying to remember anymore. I wrote about how I couldn’t understand how I could be reliving something from that long ago. Yea, they can’t look in our brains. You got to re-wire yourself if you can.

  3. Great response yes I have read it

    Trauma is stored as implicit memory and in the body also our heart

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