Decades old memories feel like they are happening now

The Mighty

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The abstract part of PTSD intrigues me. My childhood is 50 plus years back in history, but somehow inside my head, it carries enormous power right now.

I wince reading that, knowing in reality, a memory that old controlling my life, seems like science fiction.

It is stored as implicit memory with all those intense emotions attached.

How can it fool us, thinking we are back there, experiencing early life again and again. I spent times feeling like a child when my PTSD would activate.

That is how abuse is stored with all the emotions at that age.

In reality, a memory is like air, abstract, unreachable for all the world to see.

If we look into the bathroom mirror, we know that in reality childhood fear is a thought, not concrete, without form, without clarity., without real power.

If we could reason like this with our PTSD, all of us would be healed.

It’s like a ghost, subconscious, stealthy, loaded with powerful chemicals and emotional terror.

Why do certain things, people, situations trigger us?

I was triggered once getting out of a car without visual stimulus. My body sensed danger somehow.

In my sleep trauma nightmares sabotaged me.

Crazy how the mind and defense mechanism become our abusers.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Hopefully, every day brings about a closer sense of relief from the trauma of time’s past. We can only be comforted in the now and that brings us closer to a sense of control from the painful memories. May life deal you a pleasant hand and the hand of God, gracious healing from Above!

    Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts here in the WordPress community.

  2. Thank you

  3. Posted by Brian (SearchingForLostSoul) on March 1, 2021 at 7:52 pm

    I’m fascinated by what my mind did to protect itself. I only remembered a particular incident last year that happened 60 years ago and it’s devastated me for a year now. It’s just something that’s hard to believe but I re-lived that indecent over and over. Smell, feelings, heightened awareness and freakiest of all time slowing down. I am coming out of it now and trying to understand what helped. Being pissed, prayer, facing it over and over, writing, all of it. It can be done but man it sucks… Stay strong.

  4. Yes you do share some of what I am going thru

    Those young emotions are strong and the hurt seems unbearable

    What our mind does with thought

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