PTSD: we have to take responsibility for our craziness

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I have two close friends that I have shared my feelings, my day to day details with.

I have worn them out. No way a mind not damaged from severe childhood abuse, can undedertsnd how intense and non stop trauma thoughts can be for us.

I can be an asshole to others when I am wrestling my demon. No excuse a fact.

It is the same storyline for us, repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Each time we die inside, it feels real.

That makes no sense to anyone else, but I suffer reliving it.

Our trauma is stored in a certain way. That’s how we relive it.

How could anyone understand, who has not lived this nightmare.

Sharing what my mind does everyday to me, has driven them nuts.

Now, I am not sharing with anyone, this blog is it.

It hurts to know none of my friends have a clue, how I suffer.

In a way, I am glad, no way they need to suffer.

People can not fix us, that compassion turns to frustration.

Better to suffer in silence. My opinion.

Sharing my life, my trauma, is not safe with regular folk, now.

Life has quiet, silent moments now, part of me is not of this world.

I am attached to so few human beings, now.

The quiet brings solace to my damaged soul.

Happiness happens when I am alone, at least I can find it.

Being safe or trusting others will never be part of my life.

Being severely abused as a kid has life long consequences.

People will always be dangerous for me.

Navigate that childhood terror.

Why others read my blog is a mystery.

I hurt to my very core.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on February 24, 2021 at 3:35 pm

    Why do others read your Blog? That’s easy. Because you’re not singular in the long-hauled trauma. Though your agony is very personal, it’s duplicated millions of times over worldwide. You just happen to have the words that speak aloud the unspeakable. In essence, your Blog lets other survivors experience being ‘heard’ and ‘seen’ without risking that damaged core. It’s not a matter of misery loves company. More to the point, it says “you’re not alone.” And truly, solitary existence is our safe but self-constructed prison.

  2. Yea I get lost sometimes

    Time gets so distorted and memory just runs together

    Thank you for the gratitude

  3. In Christ are the answers.

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