https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/
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For now, I am losing the battle with this old repressed trauma exploding.
My effort and skills are better than when I healed the first time.
Impossible to understand how extreme parts of the day become.
Real violent trauma becomes a demon inside us.
Part of my day yesterday, spent as prisoner of my old trauma, playing violently with real danger, a real life destroyed.
Hard to tell it’s not real, the emotions sure are and the storyline happened.
It haunts me, follows me where ever I go, there is no place you can escape your mind.
All my healing skills and effort give me only intermittent peace.
Life is very dark and hopeless in the middle of my trauma.
Hard to wake up and face another day of my mind torturing me.
From that space, I am resolved to endure whatever trauma has left for me.
It has to break sometime.
When it finally recognizes I am not giving up, no matter what it does to me, it will calm.
This is a war, we become helpless to heal it at times, it wins if we quit.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on February 24, 2021 at 3:26 pm
Hang in there Mindful Marty. You’re holding on for another moment, another experience. We cannot allow the abuser to win. They took way too much already.
Posted by Marty on February 24, 2021 at 4:05 pm
Time is distorted inside my head and emotions just run together
Hard for me to share how hopeless it feels
But it does not stop me from breathing