Hopeless visits me, he does not win the Battle or the War




I have spent many hours using affirmations and other techniques to change my self image and “Ego”. Change was slow and not always permanent.

Trying to fix my flawed “Ego” from childhood was not going well. It felt hardwired from extreme fear (trauma).

Then this idea of creating a new me in the future, blossomed.

I realized this new me was not alive to experience any of my trauma.

While sitting quietly, meditating, I saw the new me sitting in a chair facing me.

I realized he was free of trauma memory, free of worry, doubt and fear. Could I switch to this new me when needed.

He was not guarded, scared or uncomfortable, old trauma did not impact him.

Nothing needed to be fixed or changed.

Then I realized my old “Ego” was made 50 to 60 years ago.

My new creation was only two weeks in the future.

Two days ago, something strange happened.

The PTSD drama dropped away for a couple of hours.

Feelings appeared that were always buried. There was an ease, a peace of mind I never felt before.

I felt more connection and concern for my daughter and grandkids happiness.

The doom, that PTSD cloud that haunted me was gone. Not permanent but I never felt this free.

It is hard to describe how my mind changed its focus. PTSD symptoms are almost invisible to us, we have lived with them so long.

Was this how normal people feel things?

Well, I have found a big crack in traumas prison.

Can I expand those couple of hours to days or weeks?

I do not know but I savor the opportunity and possibilities.

Healing is not the only goal, being ok during this journey is as important.



3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sara on February 16, 2021 at 6:43 pm

    “being ok during this journey is as important.” – absolutely! 💕

  2. We get lost

    Our thoughts r negative

    We can change that

  3. Posted by Sara on February 16, 2021 at 8:09 pm


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