Updated: Adult survivors are often isolated, lacking the ability or courage to trust




From https://www.vetmed.wsu.edu/docs/librariesprovider16/default-document-library/the-long-shadow-adult-survivors-of-childhood-abuse.pdf?sfvrsn=0

Interpersonal Problems

Adult survivors of past abuse may also experience difficulties in relationships with others. These difficulties can influence your relationships with partners, friends, members of your family of origin, and your children.

Evvie Becker-Lausen and Sharon Mallon-Kraft describe two dysfunctional interpersonal styles that they characterize as “pandemic” outcomes of past abuse. Adult survivors may adopt an avoidant style, which includes low interdependency, self-disclosure and warmth, leading to few interpersonal ties. ( I have lived with few deep attachments and enjoy the security of my bedroom over any social gathering)

Or they may adopt an intrusive style, which includes extremely high needs for closeness, excessive self-disclosure and being smotheringly warm. We could call the intrusive style “codependent.”

The intrusive style is overly demanding and controlling. Interestingly, both styles result in loneliness. (You’ll also notice that the two styles are very similar to those of depressed mothers.)

Past abuse influences adult relationships. In a sample of incest survivors, those not in stable or secure relationships as adults were more likely to be depressed (Alexander, Anderson, Brand, Schaeffer, Grelling & Kretz. 1998).

Past abuse can influence your ability to trust others, make friends, and have relationships that are not exploitive. ( I have never trusted a woman in a relationship after the public humiliation in college. (Fear was the driving subconscious force that enabled me to not need people)

Adult survivors are often isolated and are less satisfied with their relationships than adults who were never abused. (I Isolated, had few deep connections, never joined groups, and became suspicious of others motives, people were not safe in my world)

If you are an abuse survivor, you may find it difficult to find an adequate support network to help you cope with the stresses of parenting. ( Abused kids have few resources and are oblivious that we need therapy)



4 responses to this post.

  1. I have improved so much. Me being a trustful person seems remote at 69.

    I have learned that happiness is attainable for me, it just looks entirely different than normal people envision.

    I am not lonely,

    My whole life whether with a girlfriend or a wife, if they left to go out at night alone, I was conditioned to worry, be ready to move out. Be ready to be betrayed. Hard to trust for abused kids when someone they love in a relationship humiliates them.

    I could not enjoy a relationship with a women because of my past. It was very confusing when I was younger man. I could not hold hands or hug or show any public display of emotion.

    All those intimate things were destroyed in college. At that point in my life, I started isolating from everything. I shared nothing with any one. I was so damaged my life froze, negative emotions dominated my being.

    I am discovering all these habits this last month

    Pretty shocking in a sense, extremely sad in another

    I am not a victim

    Being able to help,others from my platform improve is a wonderful gift for me

    I cherish that my suffering has some benefit for others

  2. “I am not a victim
    Being able to help,others from my platform improve is a wonderful gift for me
    I cherish that my suffering has some benefit for others”

    You are a courageous VICTOR who brings hope, coping and help to others.
    You are a lifeline in a sea of pain.
    Thank you for BEING.

  3. I travel in this journey together with all of you

    Viewers can see I have experience and challenges and no
    Magic way to heal

    This is a marathon not a
    Thank you for your gratitude

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