https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/
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A friend asked me about my old trauma, what reward, what benefit did I receive from having it in my daily life?
What a quandary? My being resisted the thought, enjoyment, hell all I felt was shame and suffering.
I guess Preventing a future betrayal or somehow calming my internal fears could be the answer. Has to be something stronger to endure suffering.
Is it subconscious?
Do we receive a benefit from old trauma?
If so, my search has commenced.
Many behaviors are influenced or indirectly dominated by subconscious traumatic memories.
My trust issues were driven by a repressed betrayal in college.
How do we fix what we can not see or feel consciously?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on January 8, 2021 at 10:55 pm
I’m hardly an expert on the business of healing but I’m wondering – do we really “fix” subconscious traumas? Or rather, do we learn to strengthen that part one might label SELF? From this perspective, SELF lovingly listen, reassure, honor those wounded time capsule parts? I envision the image of a person doing Tai Chi as a possible metaphor. Maybe all I say is impossible nonsense but it’s just a thought.
Posted by Marty on January 8, 2021 at 11:20 pm
I have a question about hard wiring done in an abusive childhood
Can we ever reword and extinguish it
I do not think so
But I am exploring my inner world
So many things in there influence decisions in life
Surely we are to close and biased and anxious to know our own condition