https://pixabay.com/users/richardsdrawings-858383/
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If we do not have these warm feelings, these deep attachments, or dreams of people being trustworthy, what do we do?
I think my default stage around the holidays is a hybrid survival mode.
All those childhood memories, beatings, etc., visiting our consciousness, are upsetting.
Will there be a time, when this horrible shit will stay away?
Why does the worst stuff last forever, run on its own, have incredible power, while the good events fade helplessly.
The holidays bring that unknown, haunting feeling to me, like something is going to happen.
Kids of narcissists often spot danger, learn to be sensitive to future threats. We spend time and energy making sure we do not get ambushed.
It all goes back to our narcissistic parent, our habits formed to survive their abuse.
I was in danger when my dad was home, both physically and emotionally.
That fear has never left that little boys soul.
Now, it takes energy to unplug all this crap 💩.
To be normal, I have to meditate, focus and let all this crap go.
It seems we always need to do incredible work before we get to enjoy life.
At least we have a chance.
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