Life demands much more effort and courage from us



From “Focused and Fearless”

Look into the stories, fantasies, fabrications, desires, aversions, reactions, and doubts that periodically occupy your thoughts.

Notice what your mind conjures up in the first moments after waking up in the morning—that period between waking and breakfast is a fascinating window into your habitual thought patterns.”



My two cents: Where does your mind go in the shower, first thing in the morning.

It is a time when the mind scans the day ahead.

Do you visualize opportunity, boredom, an enjoyable time, dread, fear or ambivalence?

Do you have to plan, avoiding some things at all costs.

Do you look forward to the challenge of today, or want to avoid it all together.

I learned about my mind, what it habituated on, from my early morning showers.

Abused kids, as adults have many days, when we dread going out into the onslaught.

For me, I never felt things would work out.

I carried worry, an internal fear life would always be like childhood.

No success, trophy or promotion changed that fear of failing inside me.

How do we undo a complete childhood with a damaged self from the experience.

Not quickly or easily.

For me, it takes moment to moment vigilance, my mind can be overrun by trauma thoughts if left unattended.

Life demands much more effort and courage from us, just to carve out a peaceful space, others take for granted.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on December 19, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    The last sentence resonates. Life, just finding safe ground daily, requires so much effort. What to avoid, what to approach with caution, and what joys must be secretly treasured are all part of my days. Awakening to greet the day with nothing other than a smile? Not in my orbit.

  2. Is that not sad

    We do not look forward to the day

    That makes the journey to wellbeing an arduous journey

    I have been so low, so worthless,
    So isolated without a glimpse of hope

    Suffering seemed to fill my day

    It took me
    Months to even understand Ptsd

    Somehow I climbed out of that hole and started this blog

    That first healing felt like a

    So I have had a short period where mornings were good

    Hard to remember that time right now

    My healing was incomplete and now I am in the bushes again

    Fighting this monster called abuse

    If I do not keep fighting

    I would suffer more

    We do not get a choice when our abuse happens and do not get a choice to remove it or change it afterwards

    We are in this Invisible prison

    No one else can see it

    We are the only ones who can escape

    Help is needed

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