Hard lessons and erecting Boundaries…

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I had to eliminate people who upset or triggered me.

The calmer, more centered, my nervous system could maintain over six months, the greater chance for healing.

For me, my family all five of them, both of us decided to disown each other.

I could not heal with them in my life, they sided with my abuser, my dead father, the perfect family has to be preserved.

Some families pressure a family member, raped by another family member to participate in Christmas together.

This sends a message of acceptance for the rapist, approval that he is still a family member in good standing. (the S.O.B. should be in jail)

The correct move, is to let them decide, between the abuser and you. Takes so much courage, it is way out of our comfort zone. Just announce you will not be coming if your abuser is there.

This is a big healing step! No guarantee how it will turn out.

Our self worth is not connected to anything the family says or does.

I have done fine without my family, in fact, they were never there for me and the change was minimal.

I know this is hard, however look at their behavior.

They are placing you in danger, you will be triggered and have upset for weeks leading up to Christmas.

Your family, my family were highly dysfunctional, their behavior is mentally damaging to us.

I have dealt with this situation in my mindfulness group.

In one incidience, the mother finally had to face reality.

She choose her daughter and Christmas improved, her parental relationship changed.

Takes courage for us to stand up, erect a boundary, then enforce the consequence.

Very scary, enormously powerful!

I would ask my family to go to a therapist with you, and share their thoughts on having your rapist at Christmas dinner.

Having an expert, an authority figure to moderate will change their position. See their reaction, do they refuse?

We know by heart all our betrayals and losses in life and dread another one.

When we face a self worth issue like this, it consumes us.

After we get past this situation, the next self worth issue arises.

Check out our pattern, our lack of self worth, lack of boundaries, manifests time after time.

We must erect boundaries and enforce them.

Healing is not coming by osmosis or avoidance.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on December 18, 2020 at 5:56 pm

    I am really resonating with the lack of boundries in your post today. Very scary! Good input for me. November-December Holidays are my worst time of year.

  2. I did not know I had few boundaries my whole life

    Our habit over life has lacked boundaries

    We heal in increments

  3. I’m learning the quiet power in holding boundaries even when this is difficult. Your strength in doing this is inspiring.

  4. Thank you

    We journey together not in competition

    Sharing and being there for others is part of healing

    Called giving

    Gratitude is also required

    We have to work on these or they fade away

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