PTSD: the search for understanding!



This is my search to understand why I am like I am. It is so confusing inside my brain.

Is knowing why I am like I am, important, worthless, a bridge to healing or what?

I have no idea. I am to close to my own trauma.

Like a moth to the light, the draw to understand is my weakness, my blind spot.

For all my strengths, I am damaged beyond repair, but functional.

I can engage people and be an extrovert, talkative, friendly, congenial, then switch, hide for days without contact.

Who am I? I know my wellbeing needs fewer attachments compared to others.

Is that a success or a failure in my life?

I can argue both sides fervently.

Well, inside my head, surely not before an audience.

I hope my mind’s machinations can help others on this path.

Do I sound lost? If you have Complex PTSD, you know the answer.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on December 22, 2020 at 2:31 pm

    OMG is all I can say to your expression of the polarities of living with C-PTSD. It’s maddening and leaves you constantly thinking “will the REAL me please stand up?” Sadly, Mindful Marty, I understand your words all too well!!!

  2. I know

    We continue to strive to get better in the midst of adversity

    I am glad I am not alone

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